Domestic Violence Tour: Hawaii

[wifebeater]

Kirk Sandler: Welcome to “RMW Domestic Violence Tour 2008”. Of course, our first stop is in Hawaii, right here tonight!

The fans cheer.

Kirk Sandler: Tonight marks the beginning of a new era in RMW. This is our first show under the umbrella of IWB, and also our first show with a musical guest! As a matter of fact, we would like to introduce them now….

Some guys dressed like Priests walk out onto a separate stage near the main entrance way. They wave to the audience.

Kirk Sandler: THHHHHHHEEEEEE PRIESTS!!!!!!!!!!

The three men go to their instruments. The audience is dead silent save for a pin dropping somewhere in the cheap seats. The three gentlemen begin playing some abomination from musical hell. It sounds like Huey Lewis mixed by the Catholic Church. The fans are very irritated and you can see people shouting and yelling, but it can’t be heard over the loud as shit music.

All the sudden “Smack My Bitch Up” hits and the fans go nuts. Wifebeater comes from out behind the curtain, onto the stage with the musicians, and pummels the drummer with his fists. He knocks the guy over and stomps him while he’s down. The other two priests try to leave, but Wifebeater is blocking the only way off of the stage, short of falling down into the pit below. Wifebeater kicks a hole in the drumset and points at the other two band members.

Security rushes out on to the entrance ramp. They went on to the wrong stage. Wifebeater sees the security look over at him from the entrance stage, and he punches one of the band members in the face and knocks him off of the stage. The fans chant holy shit, cause the dude fell into the pit below full of electrical equipment and tables. A big explosion accompanies the fall.

The last band member standing puts his fists up to fight, and Wifebeater kicks him in the balls. The dude doubles over, and WB locks him in and hits a Domestic Abuse Piledriver THROUGH THE STAGE!!!

Security, paramedics, and staff rush from every direction. They climb down into the hole in the stage, and swarm into the pit where one of the band members exploded. Security pulls Wifebeater out from the hole in the stage and drags him away in handcuff. The paramedics roll out three stretchers and the show cuts to commercial.

*Commercials from M.A.D.D, www.stopfamilyviolence.org, and D.A.R.E.*

Kirk Sandler: Hello RMW fans. As you can see, The Priests, are being carted away on stretchers. This vile and disgusting act is to be expected from Wifebeater, but not at an important show like this. We send our thoughts and prayers out to the families of The Priests, and to the members themselves. As they say though, the show must go on.

Sounds of change hitting the floor plays as James Callendar walks out holding his head and writing in pain. He climbs in the ring and starts to have a breakdown.

Break it Down Again by Tears for Fears plays “The Questionnaire” Gilbert Webster to the ring. He hands out questionnaires and cartwheels.

The match begins with the two wrestlers locking up. James pushes Gilbert away and grabs his head. Webster jumps off of the second rope and dropkicks him in the side of the cranium. Webster then takes control of Callendar on the mat with a leg drop and rolls him out of the ring. Webster vaults over the ropes, but gets caught by James. He takes Webster and runs him in to the ring post back first. Callendar now picks up a chair and smashes it over his head a few times before smashing it over Webster’s back. Callendar then puts the chair under Webster’s face and stomps his head into the chair!

Webster bleeds out onto the chair unconscious. Callendar jumps over the guard rail and wades through the sea of fans. He disappears from camera view and the referee is confused. Gilbert struggles to his feet, blood everywhere, and pulls a pipe from under the ring. He looks around the ringside, but James Callendar is nowhere to be found.

Coming back through the sea of fans, James is dragging an office desk! Gilbert sees him approaching the guard rail with the desk, and he throws the pipe at Callendar’s face. James falls to the ground and Gilbert hops the railing. He rips one of the drawers from the desk. Callendar gets to is knees, and Webster smashes the desk drawer over his head! James’s head breaks through the flimsy wood, and he now has the drawer around his neck!

Gilbert kicks James to the floor and lifts the heavy desk over the railing with the help of the fans. The fans jump over the rail with him and help him throw it into the ring. Webster, in appreciation, cartwheels for them.

Gilbert reaches over the guardrail to grab James, but he gets hit with a chair! Callendar jumps the railing and pounds the hell out of him with the chair. Callendar rolls him into the ring after the assault, and he rolls in after him. Webster trys to get away, but Callendar stomps on the back of his head. James picks him up, puts him in a torture rack and…..

STOCK MARKET CRASH THROUGH THE FUCKING DESK!!! OH MAN!!

Callendar pins Webster in the rubble of the table.


1….2….3!!!!!

YOU WINNER: JAMES CALLENDAR!

We go back to Kirk Sandler, who is standing on the stage

Kirk Sandler: Wow, what an impressive debut for James Callendar! And a clean finish, although the ring doesn’t look very clean with all that wood everywhere!

[wifebeater]

*Video From Last Night*

Ronald Edwards & Gary Karp walk into the bar in their business suits carrying briefcases. Neither man has been fired from their job despite being outed in a scandal.

Ronald Edward: Oh boy Gary I'm glad we still haven't be fired yet.

Gary Karp: I know, Ronny. I was sure we'd either be fired or attacked by some nut.

Wifebeater is sitting at the bar pounding down beers. The two men sit across the bar from him. He puts his head down, but does a double take. He stands up and staggers over towards them with his cane.

Wifebeater: Hey..are you Gary & Karp?

Gary: No, I'm Gary Karp and this here is Ronald Edwards.

Wifebeater: Are yous two guys the Board of Director guys who were exposed?

Gary: As a matter of..

Ronald: Shut you Gary

Wifebeater: Oh yeah, so what are we gonna do here?

Ronald stands up

Ronald: What the fuck is your problem, buddy? We're here to get a drink and you are going to start shit?

Wifebeater: I want my fucking office back!

Wifebeater swings at Ronald, but he moves and Gary gets cracked across the head and falls to the floor. His melon head cracks the hard marble floor and busts open with fucking blood and shit spilling everywhere. Ronny rolls his sleeves up and puts his fists up.

Ronald: Bring it on you fat pervert!

Wifebeater swings the cane, but Ronny grabs it and kicks him in the knee. Ronny then clocks Wifebeater with a huge right hand and pounces on top of him. He begins punching the shit out of Wifebeater. Suddenly a table flips over from the corner of the room and flys all the way into the beer bottles on the wall, sending them crashing.

Doc Martin charges from the corner of the room and tackles the Ronny guy. He punches him a few times in the face and about knocks him dead. Doc picks Ronald up by the neck, holsters him in the air, and FUCKING CHOKESLAM THROUGH A TABLE! HOLY SHIT!

Wifebeater: The fuck...?

Doc Martin just stares down Wifebeater. Legend walks up behind him.

Legend: He saved you so you're fresh. He's going to break you.

The two of them walk away and leave the scene. Cops arrive and Wifebeater jumps up and leaves out the back.

*In-Ring*

Kirk Sandler: The following contest is a Hawaiian Hot Coal Death Match! The object of this match is throw your opponent over the ropes an on to the coals. That’s it.

Sinner by Drowning Pool hits and the former TV Champ comes down the ramp. He looks incredibly pissed after being robbed of his TV Title.

Jerry David: Now making his way to the ring, the former Television Champion and one of the baddest men on the planet…Tank!

Tank just looks at Kirk with a scowl. He walks over the hot coals and rolls in to the ring. Suddenly Tank looks up and is taken out by a big cross body block! Weapons fly down in the ring along with Anarchist, who was hiding somewhere at the top of the arena and fell 20 ft on to Tank! The bell rings as both men lay in the ring. Tank crawls on to his knees, grabs Anarchist by the head, and begins throwing left and right hooks. Anarchist falls down on to the mat and Tank mounts him.

Jerry David: Tank busted him open with those shots!

Tank continues to pound the bloodied face of Anarchist. He stands up and wipes the blood off his 12 oz gloves and rubs it across his chest like war paint. Anarchist gets up on his feet and Tank immediately pushes him into a turnbuckle. Anarchist loses balance and falls down in the turnbuckle. Tank runs with full force and kicks his head off! He drags Anarchist out of the turnbuckle, picks him up, and powerbombs his ass into the center of the mat!

Jerry David: Damn!

Tank picks up one of the weapons that fell from the top of the arena, a steel chair, and smacks it against the mat. He stalks Anarchist waiting for him to get up, but Anarchist is out of it. Tank throws down the chair and drags Anarchist to his feet. He pushes him in to the ropes and ties his arms up.

Jerry David: He’s in trouble here!

Tank picks up the chair, winds up with full force, and SMASHES the chair into Anarchist’s head! He winds back and does it AGAIN! Anarchist unties from the ropes and rolls under the bottom rope on to the coals. The bell rings and Tank looks pissed.

Kirk Sandler: Here is your winner…Tank!

Tank rolls out of the ring and grabs Anarchist. He picks him up and rolls him under the bottom rope. Tank follows and punches him in the back of the head a dozen times. The ref tries to pull him off, and Tank knocks him clean out with a huge punch! Anarchist squirms on the mat trying to get feeling back in his body. Tank stomps his back and drags him to his feet by his head. Tank dead lifts him in the air with a suplex and BAM smashes him in to the mat with a brainbuster! Tank keeps ahold of his head and three amigos Anarchist to his feet. Tank then dead lifts him again and throws him over the ropes on to the hot coals!

Jerry David: Just total domination. Tank is looking up the ramp at that entrance way to Scotty Blaze. You know he’s thirsty for revenge, and this didn’t seem to quench it!

[wifebeater]

*Commercial Break*

Kirk Sandler: The following contest is scheduled for one fall, and is for the RMW Television Championship!

Send The Pain Below by Chevelle hits and Scotty comes out clutching his TV title. He taunts his gold in the face of the audience, who are less than receptive to his bullshit. Scotty slides in to the ring and does his pre-match workouts.

Headstrong by Trapt hits and Macen Clark comes out wears a Tapout T-shirt and baggy MMA shorts. He has 12 oz gloves on and taped up feet.

Kirk Sandler: Here is the opponent, weighing in tonight at 239 lbs from Leechburg, Pennslvania and fighting out of Las Vegas, Nevade…Macen Clark!

Macen slides in to the ring and the two wrestlers immediately begin circling each other. Macen shoots for a takedown but can’t get the bigger Scotty Payne to the mat. Scott double axe handles him across the back and picks Macen up in powerbomb position. Macen punches him in the face and rides him down to the mat in a sitting position. Macen transitions into a headlock and grinds Scotty on the mat. Scotty rolls out of it and grabs Macen’s leg for a leg lock! Macen struggles and is able to flip over and get loose from the hold. Scotty then jumps at Macen and punches him in the head. He jumps on top of Clark and rains down lefts and rights. Scotty falls back with a armbar!

Jerry David: Trying to exchange holds with Macen Clark is going to lead to trouble. He should try to wrestle his style in this fight, because this is only going to lead to Macen finding an escape and tapping himmout.

Macen is able to get some leverage and stands up with his arm still locked. He lifts Scotty up with all of his strength and slams him down to the mat! Scotty is forced to let go of the hold after the slam. Macen jumps up into the air and drives both of his knees into the chest of Scotty Payne, and then grabs his head in a headlock. Macen struggles to try and lock in a Dragon Sleeper, but Scotty wiggles free and gets in a wastlock behind Macen on the mat. They stand up with Scotty still holding him. Macen throws left and right elbows behind him to get Scotty to release the hold, but Scotty picks him up into the air and slams him down on to the mat. Scotty now tranisitons into a crippler cross face on the mat!

Jerry David: Scotty isn’t doing half bad here

Macen struggles his way across the ring and grabs the ropes. Scotty lets go of the hold but stands above Macen Clark and stomps his head into the mat. The audience boos this total lack of disrespect.
Jerry David: I’m not a fan of his actions, but back of the head shots are perfectly legal in RMW. If Macen can’t handle it he should go to the UCF or a dojo.

Scotty drags Macen to his feet and lifts him up in suplex position.

Jerry David: Time for the “Pain Below”!

Macen spins in mid-air and grabs Scottys arm, falling to the mat.

Jerry David: Is that an armbar….Triangle Choke! Triangle Choke!

Macen pulls and Scotty’s face turns purple. He taps out!

Jerry David: He tapped? He tapped!!!!!

Macen lets go of the hold and rolls off. The referee grabs the title from outside of the ring and hands it to him.

Kirk Sandler: Here is your winner…and NEW TV Champion…Macen Clark!!!

The audience begins howling and cheering, shaking the old veterans hall. Sinner by Drowning Pool blasts through the PA system and Tank struts down to the ring with a purpose.

Kirk Sandler: What’s he gonna do here?

Tank slides in to the ring and gets in to the face of Macen Clark. He steps back and looks at the TV title. Macen puts his fists up and braces for a punch, but Tank just stands back and puts his hand out. Macen lets his guard down and takes the handshake.

Kirk Sandler: A big show of respect here.

Tank pats Macen on the shoulder, and Macen leaves the ring. Scotty is on his hands and knees on the mat. Tank comes up from behind him, grabs him into a reverse DDT and lifts him up. The audience explodes as Tank smashes his head in to the mat with a Creeping Death!

Headstrong by Trapt plays as Macen celebrates on the stage with the belt and Tank stands in the ring above Scotty Payne.

Jerry David: I think he got his revenge, but I have a feeling tonight isn’t the last we’ll see of these two…and Macen, that’s a curve ball if I’ve ever seen one.

*Backstage Jammall Jones walks towards the ring drinking a 40. He smashes the bottle against the wall and the camera is split with Kevin Klash walking through the backstage with both of the tag team titles on his shoulders

Jerry David: This match is up next!*

[wifebeater]

We are back from commercial break and Kevin Klash is in the ring holding the titles. He grabs the microphone.

Kevin Klash: I AM the tag team champions! That’s why tonight I am defending them against Jammall. If I win he will officially recognize my titles and then I’ll pick my tag team partner. You just wait for that…you’re going to be shocked at who my partner is!

Kevin Klash throws the microphone down

Jerry David: Kevin, acting like he has already won the match. He doesn’t officially hold those tag titles yet, and I wouldn’t be surprised if he never does. Jammall Jones has the intrest of the people in mind, and nobody likes tag team matches in RMW.

Straight Outta Compton by N.W.A hits and Jammall Jones walks out from the behind the curtain with a microphone.

Jammall Jones: Right here is what we call total domination. A combination of skill and concentration. This playa here is gonna whoop your ass across this Hawaiian hell hole, and get rid of those shitty titles once and for all. What are you gonna do about it bitch? Huh?

Jammall slides in to the ring and smashes the microphone into Kevin’s face. The bell rings and he pounds Klash into the corner with the mic. Jammall then stomps him in the gut, runs to the other side of the ring, and smashes him with a body splash! Jammall climbs to the top rope and motions for Klash to get up. Kevin quickly turns around, runs up the ropes, and dropkicks Jammall in the face…he falls out of the ring through a table!

Jerry David: The quickness from Kevin! Fast wrestler here.

Kevin runs to the ropes and high jumps over the top rope and elbow drops onto Jammall into the pile of table scraps! The fans begin chanting RMW. Kevin now gets Jammall up and slides him into the ring for a pin.

1…2…

Jammall kicks out. Kevin kicks him in the gut and picks him up to his feet. Kevin then whips him to the ropes, but Jammall comes back with a huge clothesline that flips Kevin Klash!!!

Jerry David: He flipped into himself and then flipped out! He’s a different person after that clothesline!

Jammall picks Kevin up and punches him in to the corner. He smashes him over the face with a huge right hand and some ghetto looking kicks to the nuts. Jammall then reaches over the ropes and grabs a big 2x4 piece of wood sitting near the ring and smashes Kevin over the back with it! He jumps up into the air and comes down on the side of Klash’s head with the piece of wood!

Jerry David: Never fight a black guy from Compton in a street fight!

Kevin gets smashed with the piece of wood again and rolls out of the ring. Jammall stands tall in the ring holding the wood in the air. Kevin spits into the ring and says fuck it as he turns around walking up the ramp. Jammall orders the referee to begin counting.

Jerry David: RMW doesn’t have count outs but we really don’t have a choice here. Kevin just left the arena!

1…
2…
3…

Jammall does a raise the roof taunt to the audience. They cheer.

4…
5…
6…
7…

Purple Haze by Jimi Hendix comes over the PA system and The Milita come out to the ring with Kevin Klash in tow!

Jerry David: WHAT?!?!?!?

Kevin orders them in to the ring and the three wrestlers climb through the ropes. Jammall Jones stands talling holding his 2x4. Kevin Klash stands in front with The Milita behind him, and he does a thumbs down taunt in the face of Jammall. The Milita put both of their hands around Kevin’s neck, pick him up and double chokeslam!!!!

Jerry David: SWERVE!! Is Vince Russon booking this?

Jammall puts his foot on Kevin’s chest and the referee counts

1…2….3!!!

Kirk Sandler: Here is your winner…Jammall Jones!

Kirk hands the microphone to Jammall.

Jammall Jones: I was in the army with these two guys you fucking idiot. They fucking came to me as soon as you called them…and even if we weren’t friends don’t you think I’ve got more money than you ya little fucking bitch ass nigga? What’s up now?

Jammall bends over and pits on Kevin. He turns around and The Milita grab him by the neck! The pick Jammall up and…DOUBLE CHOKELSAM!!

Jerry David: Double swerve!!!

The Miltia climb over the ropes and grab the title from the side of the ring. They walk up the ramp to Purple Haze carrying the belts and the audience cheers.

[wifebeater]

*A video package plays of what happened at Nuke Net 2008. It is overproduced and full of slow-mo shots, especially when Doc Martin reveals himself, X is chokeslammed through the ring, and Wifebeater being chokeslammed through the flaming table.*

The scene opens up with Legends standing in the ring with a podium and a table with the RMW World Title on it.

Legend: Ladies and gentleman I pulled a huge power play at Nuke Net, and did what I had to do. X has been treating me like a side kick and a fat goof for years! I was a joke! Am I a joke to you people?!

The audience scream yes in unison

Legend: Well the jokes over! At Nuke Net I set up the ultimate swerve to make sure I left there with the title in my…well, our, possession. You see, alone I AM a fat goof, but that’s why I hired a monster to do my bidding. Now I hold all the cards in RMW. Alone I am just a man, but together…together we are unstoppable!

I Can't Hide – Pantera hits and Doc Martin comes out on to the stage. He is a huge motherfucker. Big, tall, and wide.

Jerry David: He looks like the Incredible Hulk in a gas mask! Jesus!

Doc slowly walks down to the ring in a manner similar to Jason Voorhees or Michael Myers. Legend claps as he walks in to the ring and stands beside the podium.

Legend: This man is my monster! We are here to take the RMW away from corrupt assholes like X, and drunken criminals like Wifebeater!

The audience cheers the name of Wifebeater.

Legend: You cheer his name, but as you saw earlier Doc Martin had to save him from getting murdered in a bar last night! And the only reason Doc decided to save his ass was so we could be the ones to kill him!

Smack My Bitch Up – Prodigy kicks in through the PA system and Wifebeater comes out on to the stage holding a cooler. The audience explodes. Wifebeater chugs a beer and full sprints down to the ring. He throws the cooler of the ropes and hits Doc Martin and Legend with it! He slides in to the ring with his cane and begins fucking swinging!

Jerry David: Holy fuck!

Wifebeater canes Legend to the mat and pulls back and cracks Doc Martin over the head! The monster stumbles back in to the ropes. Wifebeater raises the cane to the audience and swings again, but Doc catches the cane and throws it to the mat. He reaches forward and grabs Wifebeater around the neck.

Jerry David: Oh fuck!

Black Tyger jumps over the railing and climbs up the turnbuckle. The audience explodes again.

Jerry David: This is the first time anyone has cheered for Black Tyger!

Legend points behind him, and Doc throws Wifebeater across the ring to the mat. He turns around and catches Black Tyger in the air by the neck as he jumps off the ropes! Doc swings him around in the air and chokeslams him through the table where his title is sitting!!!

Jerry David: Oh my god that was brutal!!

Doc Martin turns around and Wifebeater charges him with a clothesline. He stands tall against Doc Martin and tries to headlock him while throwing punches. Doc grabs Wifebeater under his arms and tosses him into the turnbuckle. Wifebeater charges out of the turnbuckle and Doc Martin smashes him with a huge boot to the sternum!

Suddenly In-a-Da-Gada-Vida by Iron Butterfly hits and X rolls out to the ring in his wheel chair holding a microphone.

Mysterious X: What the hell do you think you’re doing? Stop this shit now!

Doc Martin stomps Wifebeater into the mat while looking at X.

Mysterious X: You aren’t the champ! You weren’t officially in the match!

Legend picks up the title and microphone.

Legend: Bullshit!

Mysterious X: As I said in a press release…NO ONE is giving anyone a title in my fed! I also said I had some guys I was bringing with me.

Legend: What the fuck are you talking about?! What press release?!

JZ & 2-Dope come down to the ramp each holding a table. They taunt to the audience who cheers for their returns.

Mysterious X: Remember Kriss Kross?

X laughs as Kriss Kross sets the tables up on the outside of the ring and slide in. They rush Doc Martin and begins beating him down with left hands, right hands, kicks, elbows…whatever they can throw. Doc pushes both of them back with one big burst of energy, and they rush him. He grabs them both by their necks, picks them up, and CHOKESLAMS BOTH OF THEM OVER THE ROPES THROUGH THE TABLES!!

X has a look of shock through his mask. RMW security rushes the ring along with paramedics. X just sit outside as Doc Martin and Legend raise their arms in the middle of the ring. X grabs the microphone.

X: Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Legend: Yes! Yes! Yes!

X turns his head around and doesn’t know what to do. He comes up with an idea.

X: Legend, this isn’t over by a long shot! On the next show it’s going to be….you vs Wifebeater in a Steel Cage match!

Legend rushes over towards the ropes and starts swearing and screaming.

Legend: You can’t fucking do that!

X: I can do whatever I want!! And the title is vacated!!

Legend stands in the ring swearing and getting pissed. X laughs on the outside, the paramedics and security try to help Kriss Kross, Wifebeater and Black Tyger are on the outside of the ring all fucked up, and Doc Martin stands in the center of the ring with no emotion. The show cuts to Kirk Sandler backstage in Hype Central.

Kirk Sandler: Next time on RMW we got Legend vs Wifebeater in a cage! Nobody can get in or out! Also what will happen with the now vacant title? Tune in and find out!