Post by wifebeater on Aug 15, 2009 14:07:21 GMT -5
A man is walking through an arena where wrestlers are taking body slams in the ring, and dozens of others are doing squats on the outside.
"My name is Michael Pinstripe, and tonight I am going to profile a depraved, disgusting group of people. First, let's talk about Pro Wrestling. Professional wrestling is a phenomenon that has grasped our imagination since as long as man has existed. From the Bible to Television, Pro wrestling has had quite the journey to get where it is today. You would think going from the Circus to being broadcasted in front of millions of people, that Pro Wrestling would have become more dignified - but all it takes is one bad apple to spoil the bunch."
Clips are shown of RMW wrestling. Wifebeater punching a woman in the face, drinking beer, and piledriving priests. Other clips are show of lightubes being struck against fat people, Legend taking a shit, and the hot coal deathmatch from the last show
"This promotion is known as "Red Money Wrestling", and their catchphrase is "Respectable Entertainment". Anyone who has watched this filth knows that it is anything but - more like a collection of drunks, drug addicts, and trailer trash. There has been hardcore wrestling, extreme wrestling, ultraviolent wrestling - but this has been labeled garbage wrestling by its detractors, and unsurprisingly embraced by its fans."
Michael Pinstripe: Would you say that RMW is "garbage wrestling"?
Fan: Garbage wrestling? Hell yeah! Wifebeater is the shit.
"These people are usually idiots themselves, but even some respectable people watch this less than respectible entertainment."
Michael Pinstripe: So what do you think about RMW?
Joe Biden: Absolutely love it. Wifebeater may be a favorite of the fans, but us in the White House love Mysterious X. He's a lying, cheating, white collar business criminal. We have a lot in common!
Michael Pinstripe: What do you think about the proposed ban of RMW all together? Some States like Idaho have already banned this promotion.
Joe Biden: I don't think States should have the right to do that. They should know their place and respect the government...but on to the issue. I'm a huge fan of banning things and restricting freedom, but I love RMW. So no we won't even discuss it.
"As you can see RMW attracts the biggest scumbag fans you could imagine. From the lowest scumbag to the highest, Red Money Wrestling will be around for as long as they want to. This sickens me and all of you watching this report should be sickened too!"
Michael Pinstripe rips off his suit jacket and throws it to the floor. He stomps it and jumps up and down on it. His glasses fall off in the process, but he doesn't care. He rolls his sleeves up and looks dead center in the camera.
"Lawyers couldn't do it, States couldn't do it, and even billionaire Tom Bergman couldn't do it. This is Michael Pinstripe with CBS Evening News, and I'm going to kill RMW"
"My name is Michael Pinstripe, and tonight I am going to profile a depraved, disgusting group of people. First, let's talk about Pro Wrestling. Professional wrestling is a phenomenon that has grasped our imagination since as long as man has existed. From the Bible to Television, Pro wrestling has had quite the journey to get where it is today. You would think going from the Circus to being broadcasted in front of millions of people, that Pro Wrestling would have become more dignified - but all it takes is one bad apple to spoil the bunch."
Clips are shown of RMW wrestling. Wifebeater punching a woman in the face, drinking beer, and piledriving priests. Other clips are show of lightubes being struck against fat people, Legend taking a shit, and the hot coal deathmatch from the last show
"This promotion is known as "Red Money Wrestling", and their catchphrase is "Respectable Entertainment". Anyone who has watched this filth knows that it is anything but - more like a collection of drunks, drug addicts, and trailer trash. There has been hardcore wrestling, extreme wrestling, ultraviolent wrestling - but this has been labeled garbage wrestling by its detractors, and unsurprisingly embraced by its fans."
Michael Pinstripe: Would you say that RMW is "garbage wrestling"?
Fan: Garbage wrestling? Hell yeah! Wifebeater is the shit.
"These people are usually idiots themselves, but even some respectable people watch this less than respectible entertainment."
Michael Pinstripe: So what do you think about RMW?
Joe Biden: Absolutely love it. Wifebeater may be a favorite of the fans, but us in the White House love Mysterious X. He's a lying, cheating, white collar business criminal. We have a lot in common!
Michael Pinstripe: What do you think about the proposed ban of RMW all together? Some States like Idaho have already banned this promotion.
Joe Biden: I don't think States should have the right to do that. They should know their place and respect the government...but on to the issue. I'm a huge fan of banning things and restricting freedom, but I love RMW. So no we won't even discuss it.
"As you can see RMW attracts the biggest scumbag fans you could imagine. From the lowest scumbag to the highest, Red Money Wrestling will be around for as long as they want to. This sickens me and all of you watching this report should be sickened too!"
Michael Pinstripe rips off his suit jacket and throws it to the floor. He stomps it and jumps up and down on it. His glasses fall off in the process, but he doesn't care. He rolls his sleeves up and looks dead center in the camera.
"Lawyers couldn't do it, States couldn't do it, and even billionaire Tom Bergman couldn't do it. This is Michael Pinstripe with CBS Evening News, and I'm going to kill RMW"
