Post by wifebeater on Jul 10, 2018 14:18:57 GMT -5
The show opens with a video package showing each wrestler in the past and current day spliced with moves and spots. In keeping with the outdated 2001 feel of RMW the song is Warning by Incubus.
Fireworks go off and we go to Kirk Sandler at his desk on the side of the stage. He’s geared up and ready for a fight.
Kirk Sandler: It’s all on the line here tonight a true “chips are down” moment. To catch everybody up take a look at this.
We get a replay of the James Elvin interview basically saying if he wins tonight RMW will become IWF, and the company will close with those initials finally putting RMW away for good.
Kirk Sandler: You can say it all comes down to the main event, but the rest of this show is personal. It’s pride. Even if this son of a bitch kills RMW he ain’t gonna get the titles. The legacy will live on...but no way in hell will he win. X gonna give it to ya Elvin!
Money Made Me Do It by Post Malone hits and Money Man comes out on stage making his return after a shoulder injury. He’s got ridiculous cornrows and assless chaps as always. He dances like a fool down to the ring. The music isn’t even a dance track he’s just that fucking guy.
Kirk Sandler: Well..here comes the money!
The lights go out and I infared light filter comes over the screen accompanied by the theme from the movie “Predator”. In the arena they try to make this effect, but it looks weird and seizure including. A young child throws up white goop all over his momma.
Kirk Sandler: I didn’t know what this was going to be, but it looks like The freaking Predator is here?!? From the movie?!?
The curtain pulls aside and...it’s a chubby middle aged guy with a horseshoe haircut, big mustache, brown trench coat, brown pair of trunks underneath with PB in white in the corner like Ric Flair, and white boots. He’s hunched over walking down the ramp rubbing his hands together saying “How you doin there? How you doin?” Muttering to himself. The mother covered in vomit grabs her kid and runs as “The Predator” walks up to the guardrail.
Kirk Sandler: Oh no....no no no. Oh god no.
“Unwrap your diaper with my teeth how ya doin?”
From the ring Money Man sprints and dives over the top rope missing Predator by a mile. He crashes and burns right beside him. Predator grabs him into an airplane spin and spins for awhile.
Kirk Sandler: Money Man attempting to make a name for himself and screwing it up as usual. Predator sets him down on the apron and stumbles up the steps. Money Man is dazed in the sitting position and Predator connects with a huge soccer kick to the face! Money Man collapses and rolls under the bottom rope. Predator climbs into the ring and the bell rings. He starts screaming “Amber Alert! Amber Alert!” Kirk is handed a piece of paper.
Kirk Sandler: Ok. This next move is called the...I can’t even...”Code Adam”. If you know the story behind this I personally can’t condone this.
Predator lifts up on his shoulders and swings into a cutter. Code Adam (TKO)! Predator lays heavy for the pinfall. 1...2...3!
Kirk Sandler: Wow what a way to kick this off. Jesus Christ...Let’s go backstage please I’m told we have a potential altercation?
War Pig and RIOT are backstage in a dark room with a swinging light bulb. They have Cannonball Hall tied up in a steel chair. From out of view we hear what sounds like a voice box..like the old Kane gimmick.
: I need a partner. You’re a cop. It makes sense.
War Pig (looking concerned): Now now...listen. I hate NIGGERS too, but I got a partner, and if I Tag with you to beat a black team I might get suspended with pay for a day.
Kirk Sandler: Woah hold up cut from this! CUT!
The Klansman walks into view.
Klansman: Look fellas I need a partner and you’re the only guy I know for the job.
War Pig: Three in the back don’t talk back. I don’t fight the blacks fair kid. Got a reputation to uphold.
Kirk Sandler: CUT THIS!
Klansman clenches his fist.
Klansman: I’m not asking again.
War Pig: Hey keep your fucking voicebox shut...come in here demanding shit...we don’t want any trouble with you. We are fighting for the same virtues my boy...hmm...how about this idiot in the chair?
Klansman: What makes you think he’ll tag? You kidnapped him. I just need a body out there.
War Pig: We drugged him with queludes. He was a dumb shit to begin with he’ll follow you out there.
Klansman: Can we take the mask off?
War Pig shrugs. RIOT reaches over and casually pulls the mask off. Don’t expect a big reveal here. He’s just like a soft headed guy with two tiny eyes and a thin mouth.
Klansman: What is this? Who is this?
War Pig: I don’t know. I can’t even remember why we kidnapped him. He looks like a potato doesn’t he? *chuckles*
Klansman: He’s just a common man. A lil tator.
RIOT, Richard Johnson, speaks for possibly the first time on RMW television.
RIOT: A Common tator!
The three of them look towards the camera in a fourth wall breaking manner as the feed finally cuts. Camera is back on the ring.
Kirk Sandler: Finally! We can’t air that. We just did, but we can’t.
Horns and Truck sounds blast over the PA and here comes The Truck.
Kirk Sandler: Here we go with the battle of the behemoths. Internet Champion vs Television Champion. The first IWF vs RMW Match, and maybe the biggest pound for pound match in RMW history. This Truck guy is big, but nobody can beat Doc.
The Truck holds the Internet title up to mock the RMW fans. Sum of Your Achievements by Nail Bomb thunders through the arena as Doc stomps down the ramp. The sound in the arena is deafening. Doc climbs on the apron and over the top rope. He gets right in the face of The Truck.
Ring Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the unification of Television Championship and the IWF Internet Championship. It has the stipulation that if Doc Martin uses a table he will be automatically disqualified and The Truck will win the titles.
Kirk Sandler: Still such bullshit.
Ring Announcer: To my right from Parts Unknown he is the master of the table and the current RMW Television Champion...Doc Martin.
Doc doesn’t move and neither does Truck. They’re standing nose to nose. Doc is a small bit taller.
Ring Announcer: And to my right, from the highway to Hell..he’s the IWF Internet Champion...this is The Truck.
TRUCK THE FUCK! TRUCK THE FUCK!
The audience boos. The ref holds both belts up, gives them to the Announcer and rings the bell. The two behemoths circle each other.
Kirk Sandler: Neither man quick to throw the first shot. This may be more of a game of chess than we thought.
Truck smirks at the masked Doc and runs the ropes to hit his patented shoulder tackle!
Kirk Sandler: He runs him down but Doc doesn’t budge!
Truck runs the ropes again and hits him! Doc stumbles a tiny bit. Truck runs and Doc grabs him with his hand around his throat, lifts him, and huge chokeslam!
Kirk Sandler: He drove him into the mat!
Truck takes the bump and immediately stands up.
Kirk Sandler: He’s up? My god!
Truck grabs Doc, slings him over his shoulder, and hits the Truck Stop! (Sheamus white noise). Doc hits the mat and immediately pops up too before Truck can even stand.
Kirk Sandler: Holy shit!
The arena is shaking. The two big man stand toe to toe and exchange overhand clubbing blows! They beat the hell out of each other slowly falling to their knees. Doc block a left and grabs Truck my the throat with his right hand. He drags him back to his feet and looks to the crowd. Truck punches him in the bend of his arm and breaks the choke. Truck then gets under him to lift him for a spinebuster. As they fall Doc grabs the head for a DDT at the last second.
Kirk Sandler: Doc grabbed him but he didn’t get all of it!
They shake the ring. Both guys took damage there. They lay in a heap.
Kirk Sandler: Get up Doc!
The two giants get to their feet and run opposite ropes and collide! Both men stumble back. Doc falls to a knee. Truck runs the ropes again and Doc grabs him with both hands around the throat. He lifts him up and sets him on the top rope, reaches back for a haymaker, and knocks Truck to the outside. Doc stands in the ring alone looking around the arena and the audience pops.
Kirk Sandler: Doc better just stay in there the allure of the tables on the outside are too much.
Suddenly from the top rope Mike Murder flys into the side of Docs head with a huge knee!
Kirk Sandler: What the fuck?!
Mark slides under the bottom rope and smashes Doc over the back with a steel chair. Doc falls to one knee. Mark holds the chair over his face and Mike smashes him with the knee sending Doc falling back into a sitting position in the turnbuckle. Mike turns around and Truck runs him down!
Kirk Sandler: These are men without a country. Truck fighting then off!
Mark Murder attempts to leave the ring, but Truck lifts him over his head. He holds him up there when two men hit the ring and clip his knees.
Kirk Sandler: That’s Mr. Goodbar and John the Baptist!
Truck falls to his knees. Mark pulls out a cross with the ended widdled into a point. He lifts it up as Goodbar and Baptist grab Truck by the arms and Murder stabs him in the forehead! Mike brings a table into the ring and sets it up.
Kirk Sandler: This is a bloodletting. A sacrifice. It’s Truck so I don’t know how to feel....
They lift him up to the top turnbuckle. Murder grabs him into a murder bomb (Sitout Razors Edge) position and barely carry’s him to dump him through the table!
Doc stands up and grabs Goodbar by the throat for a chokeslam! The three of them scatter and pull Goodbar under the bottom rope. Doc stands over Truck who’s laying the wreckage of the table. The bell starts ringing. Joe Elvin in a suit came from the audience and rung the bell. He grabs a mic.
Joe Elvin: Your winner by disqualification and new Undisputed Internet Champion....THE TRUCK!!
Kirk Sandler: Get the fuck out of here this is a rip-off.
Truck uses the ropes to get to his feet. Joe Elvin smugly gets into the ring and hands Truck the belts. He takes a look at them and tosses them to the mat. Joe’s expression goes from smug to frightened. Truck grabs him, lifts him up, and hits The Truck Stop!
Kirk Sandler: Even Truck knows this is bullshit!
Truck picks Elvin up by the back of his neck with his left hand. With his right hand he extends it to Doc for a handshake. Doc looks around to the audience and accepts. He hands Joe Elvin over to him and leaves the ring.
Kirk Sandler: Oh yeah Doc kill him!
Doc lifts him up high in a chokeslam position. He moves to each side of the ring to hear the audience pop the runs across to toss him over the ropes and head first through a table on the outside!
Kirk Sandler: Look at how he landed! Sideways on the point of his head!
The audience explodes. Sum of Your Achievements plays to Doc playing it up to the fans
The camera zooms up to Wifebeater sitting on a stool on the scaffolding in the rafters. He’s drinking his bottle of Eagle Rare. Wearing all black still.
Kirk Sandler: Tonight Wifebeater will ref the main event with everything hanging in the balance. I have faith that this man will never betray RMW or these fans. He looks like he’s in the middle of a crossroads, but you know and I know despite everything Wifebeater bleeds green and red.
James Elvin is backstage dressing down The Truck.
James Elvin: What the fuck was that?! You just let him kill my brother out there!!
Truck gets visibly pissed and punches a hole through the wall.
The Truck: Watch your fucking tone with me boy. I said no tables and Doc to face me like a man. He did. Earned my respect. You’re killing this place anyways and you got your belts. You can retire them as IWF belts. Now leave me out of it.
James Elvin: But Truck I need you out there tonight!
Truck: I came back to pay tribute to my IWF career not to strone your ego. Face him like a man. Earn some respect.
The Truck leaves the dressing room.
The lights go out in the arena and a white strobe light flashes everywhere. Dr. Feelgood the sing accompanies Dr. Feelgood himself with Blue Bomber and Orange Crush following along seizureing down the ramp. They get into the ring and Bomber and Crush go to opposite corners and out their heads down like Blair Witch Project shit.
Dr. Feelgood: Here tonight Scotty Payne will be officially admitted into the Feelgood House of Medcine. After he receives his treatment also known as a vicious beating, from my new “find” then he can go recover in the ICU like his brother. Hopefully he makes it out.
Kirk Sandler: Tasteless not even clever.
Dr. Feelgood: Now I introduce to you....my new monster...Seme...White Demon!
The lights go dark and white flashes. A slimy looking average sized man in a white full body suit with a goofy mask and long hair crawls onto the stage. He’s covered in white goop. He slithers his way down the ramp and crawls up into the ring.
Kirk Sandler: Oh shit look at that!
Scotty Payne slides into the ring and smashes the demon over the head with a fucking tombstone! It says Thomas Payne on it. He smacks Dr. Feelgood in the gut with it and the doctor bag goes flying. Scotty stands over him as Bomber and Crush don’t move. Feelgood reaches for the bag but Scotty steps on his foot and breaks his hand.
Dr. Feelgood: They need their medicine!
Scotty cracks Orange Crush in the back with the tombstone and he goes down hard. White Demon slides a needle toward Feelgood. He pulls out a dart gun and shoots it into Blue Bombers ass. As Scotty lifts up the tombstone Bomber turns around seziuring in place white foam coming from his mouth, nose, ears, and eyeballs. Scotty lurches back and with all his might smashes the tombstone over Bomber’s head and it breaks into a bunch of pieces. There’s a visible dent in his head but he’s seziuring towards Scotty like nothing happened. Payne jumps out of the ring and runs.
Kirk Sandler: He better get out of there this is a dangerous situation in the ring.
Feelgood picks up the mic with his non-broken hand
Dr. Feelgood: Scotty you fucked up! You have fucked up now! I’m a doctor so I not only do U know how to heal I know how to hurt....badly. These men here are my monsters! They won’t stop until you’ve been put into the ground...you know why? Because that’s what I tell them to do! You started this when you could’ve just left well enough alone. Your brother basically committed suicide by fucking with us, and now you are going to be buried right next to him! Blue Bomber, Orange Crush..and White Demon. These are the Colors of Unbridled Madness!!!!! The only color left for you is red
Kirk Sandler: Well this is far from over.
Cut to a video package of the Mike Bowen/Kurt Sandler feud. We recap Mike putting Kurt through the table, Kurt smashing Maurice with a glass bottle, the challenge and the promos/jabs.
From Out of Nowhere hits and Mike walks out with Maurice who’s wearing a football helmet and hockey pads.
Kirk Sandler: Get the fuck out of here.
They stare at Kirk as they walk down the ramp smirking. As they slide into the ring Kirk stands up with a mic.
Kirk Sandler: Before you can even get your little catch phrases in and run your mouth Im going put a halt on that
Kirk walks down the ramp and stops just shy of Ringside area. He’s wearing track pants, and RMW T-shirt, and taped fists.
Kirk Sandler: Mike, and to an even bigger extent Maurice...you can’t hold my jock as an announcer. Maurice is a cliche hack and Mike you’re just a loudmouth. You wanted a fight? Well here it is...
OUT OF MY WAY hits it’s Black Tiger! He sprints down the ramp and Kirk slides in with him. Tyger immediately hits a spin kick on Mike Bowen as Kirk tackles Maurice and rips the helmet off. He’s throwing right hand immediately breaking his nose.
Black Tyger picks Bowen back up and whips him to the ropes and catches him with another spinning kick leg lariat. Mike hits the mat and rolls out the side. Black Tyger gets on the top rope for a huge pop! He spends a bit of time taunting. As Mike turns around Tyger flys and gets hit right in the mask with a fucking light tube! He collapses into a heap near the guardrail. Mike shakes off the damage and stomps him, reaches under the ring, and grabs another tube.
In the ring Maurice scrambles into the corner and covers up. Kirk is throwing sloppy strikes and kicks that Maurice is turtling. Kirk backs off to catch his breath; right behind him is Mike Bowen holding a light tube. He turns around to get hit right in the hip with the tube! It looked awkward and exploded all over the mat. Kirk falls down on his side holding his hands up. Mike kicks through them and busts him in the mouth like a dick.
Mike Bowen: You little bitch! Now I’m gonna fuck you up!
Maurice stands up and motions no to Mike. He points to the top rope. Mike motions him to go up. Maurice is on the top rope giving the middle finger to the RMW fans it’s a near riot.
Black Tyger springboard to the top rope and dropkicks Mike in the back! Mike falls forward into the opposite ropes which cause Maurice to lose balance and take a front flip bump to the concrete! Mike bounces back off the rope, Kirk leans up and rolls him up with two hands full of tights!
1....2.....3!!!!
Bell rings as Kirk rolls out of the ring holding his ribs. Black Tyger follows him with blood running down his chest. Out of My Way hits and they hug. Mike is going insane in the ring slapping the mats. Maurice is unconscious on the floor.
Backstage we have Macen Clark standing by with Bailey Midway.
Bailey Midway: Macen your fight with Barracks has been cancelled due to time constraints. How do you feel about this?
Macen Clark: Most of these matches are 5 minutes or a bunch of bullshit! This is just politics! Face the facts that when you put me out there somebody gets hurt. I snapped Arsenal’s leg like a fucking breadstick...you know fuck Barracks anyway. I proved my point already with big army retards. Right now we don’t even know what will be left of this company tomorrow so I’m gonna pack my shit and leave. Fuck RMW, fuck IWF, and fuck you.
Macen leaves the interview area.
Kirk Sandler sits back down at the commentary desk. War Pig and RIOT escort him out.
Kirk Sandler: As much as I don’t like these guys, and given how they abandoned me last show...probably not a good idea to have them back me up...but WHATEVER WE WON OUR MATCH!!
The audience is still popping for Kirk. A video package for Tanks rise to the top plays over the tron. It transitions into Mark Shaw winning the IWF title back in the day and a slideshow of guys tapping to the Shawshooter. The two are put side by side with lightning coming out of their eyes like WCW/nWo Revenge
Kirk Sandler: Here we go! Whoever wins here will be the champ and let me say, when Tank wins, these assholes can never take it away from us.
Blurry by Puddle of Mudd hits and we see Mark Shaw on the tron talking to Elvin.
Mark Shaw: I gotta do this alone, man. I gotta prove it to myself.
Mark walks away and the camera cuts to him coming out of his curtain with the belt. He raises his arms high like he’s the king.
Ring Announcer: Introducing first The IWF Champion, The King of Wrestling, “The Icon” Mark Shaawwww!
Shaw gets on the turnbuckle and taunts the RMW fans with his IWF belt. His music cuts and he turns around still standing on the middle rope. Sinner by Drowning Pool hits
Kirk Sandler: Here is THE baddest motherfucker in wrestling!
Tank storms from behind the curtain throwing warm up punches and kicks.
Ring Announcer: This is the RMW Champion; a man who has never been beaten clean. Now entering the ring, fighting for RMW...TANK!!!
Kirk Sandler: Both titles on the line here let’s see how this one starts. I’m hoping Tank comes out swinging and takes the win for us early.
The bell rings and the two wrestlers meet in the middle with a lock up. Shaw takes Tank to a knee, Tank bucks up to his feet and uses leverage to take Shaw to a knee. Shaw bucks up and they are at a stalemate. Shaw turns it into a side headlock, Tank pushes him to the ropes and knocks him to the mat with a shoulder block. Tank runs the ropes, jumps over Shaw, Shaw stands up for a leapfrog, Tank hits the ropes. Shaw attempts a hip toss but Tank blocks it. Tank throws Shaw for a hip toss of his own, but Shaw lands on his feet and does a go behind in Tank. Tank reverses it with a go behind of his own and wrenches on it. Shaw falls to the mat with Tank still hanging on.
Kirk Sandler: This is the first “wrestling match” in RMW history. Did not expect this.
Tank spins around from the go behind into a front headlock. Shaw uses his strength to stand up and lift Tank into the air and toss him back to where Tank lands on his feet. Shaw goes for a front takedown and Tank stuffs it. He spins Shaw around and pushes him into the corner.
Kirk Sandler: Pummel this asshole!
Tank breaks in the corner and falls back to the middle. He wipes some sweat from his brow and points to Shaw. Shaw looks to the audience who boos him heavily. He meets Tank back in the middle and the lock up again. Shaw back him into the ropes and lifts a fist, but he also breaks. He whips middle fingers to the audience.
Kirk Sandler: Tank feeling him out early. Shaw telling the audience what he thinks of them.
Tank comes to the middle of the ring, go behind, and school boy in the center. The ref drops down.
1....2....3!!!!
Kirk Sandler: TANK WINS??? TANK WINS!!!!!!
The audience explodes into cheers as Sinner by Drowning Pool hits. Shaw slaps the mat and sits there stunned.
Kirk Sandler: He caught him with a fucking schoolboy! YES WE DID IT!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner and still the RMW Champion, but also the NEW IWF CHAMPIONNNN....TANK!!
Tank takes both belts and leaves the ring. Shaw stays sitting in the ring embarrassed just looking down at his finger tape.
An ad for “The Beat of IWF Monday Night Madness” coming to RMW Xstream
The arena goes dark and a clopping sounds is heard. The WCW four horsemen theme is playing as The Klansman rides out with a torch to light the way. He’s got Cannonball on the back of the horse. He’s wearing coveralls with a flannel shirt underneath.
Kirk Sandler: Well..I’ve just been handed a paper here. I’ll read it in a second.
Ring Announcer: Now making his way to the ring. From the Deep South...The Klansman and...The Common Tator!
Kirk Sandler: That’s what I needed to get to here. Apparently he’s no longer Cannonball, but going by Common Tator...I’m the goddamn commentator!
Klansman jumps off the horse onto the apron. Tator falls off onto the floor. The horse gets scared as the lights come on and a team of staff guys wrangle it down with shock sticks and drag it to the back.
Kirk Sandler: This seems like animal cruelty. Add it the list.
Guerillas in the Mist by Da Lench Mob hits and we got a new side of Sweet Johnson.
Kirk Sandler: In the all black camo is , as my note says here, Sweet J not Sweet Johnson. He dropped the Johnson everybody, and he’s all by himself though.
Sweet looks behind him and Jammall is nowhere to be found. Sweet mouths some shit talk and climbs into the ring.
Ring Announcer: Now entering the ring from...umm I don’t know...Sweet J and his partner from Compton, LA...Jammall Jones!
Kirk Sandler: Jammall is absent here. I can’t tell you I’ve got no information.
Sweet J: Just ring the fuck bell!
The bell sounds and the match starts with Sweet staring down The Klansman. Klansman backs into the corner and tags Common Tator. Tator trips getting into the ring and Sweet stomps his back, neck, neck of the head. Sweet brings him to his feet and hip tosses him across the ring. As he turns around Klansman jumps off the apron to the floor shaking his head no.
Kirk Sandler: This racist douchebag came out here dressed like an asshole and started this shit. Tator is basically just a moron.
Sweet flips him off and goes after a prone Tator who’s laying in the corner. He mudhole stomps his ass from a minute straight then turns around beating his chest at The Klansman. Then he picks up Tator and hip tosses him across the ring basically into the other corner. Tator reaches for a tag.
Kirk Sandler: Come in here Klansman better take his beating and get out of RMW. This shit wasn’t right from the start.
Sweet stands in the center with his hands on his hips. The ref yells at Klansman to take the tag we don’t have all night. He reluctantly takes the tag and slides under the bottom rope. He never gets up from his knees just puts his hands up and begs Sweet off. Then he lays down and audibly yells pin me!
Kirk Sandler: Get up what is this.
Sweet spits on him and stomps him in the stomach. Klansman gets to one knee and Sweet violently kicks him in the shoulder and becomes a tornado of punches just knocking the shit out of this guy. Klansman gets up the corner trying to protect himself. Sweet won’t let up. He grabs him and hiptosses him up the middle of the ring.
Kirk Sandler: Looks like we’re about to see something real bad here folks.
Klansman scurries up and starts running. Sweet grabs him by the back of his rope and pulls him into a headlock.
Sweet J: Let’s see this motherfucker!
He takes his other hand and rips the mask off.
Kirk Sandler: ITS JAMMALL JONES WHAT THE FUCK!!! JAMMALL FUCKING JONES
Sweet’s eyes are bugging out of his head. Jammall backs up pleading.
Jammall Jones: I needed to convince you man! These racist motherfuckers are out to get you! Just wait a second...
Sweet jumps on him and continues the beating. Jammall pokes him in the eyes and scrambles away out of the ring.
Jammall: SWEET! STOP NIGGA ITS ME!
Sweet slides under the ropes and chases Jammall up the ramp. The camera follows them into the back Jammall is throwing shit behind him trying to get away. They do a Benny Hill bit running around Jammall caddilac. He jumps through the open window and Sweet kicks the back window out. Jammall peels out and Sweet almost gets his foot trapped. Jammall smashes through the gate to leave the arena as Sweet sits on the ground pissed and still stunned.
Kirk Sandler: WOW just wow. Wait what the hell is this in the ring?
A seven foot tall cartoonish Hillbilly jumps over the railing and hugs Common Tator. He’s crying.
Hillbilly: We fond u daddey after all dees years!
Common Tator: *garbled speech*
Hillbilly: It’s me daddey! Ur boy! Thrillbilly!!!!
Common Tator: duhhhhh uhhh duhh
The giant Thrillbilly picks his daddy up and carries him away through the crowd all the while doing a Jim Dugan thumbs up.
Kirk Sandler: I don’t know about any of this anymore ladies and gentleman.
The video package for the main event plays. The IWF attack, the press conference with all the ridiculous exposition and reveals, and the James Elvin promo where he threatens to kill RMW when he wins and retire the belts and promotion as IWF for revenge. Wifebeater as special referee is at the end of the package.
La Bamba by Richie Valens hits and Mysterious X walks out on to the stage with Legend who is wearing a green sweatshirt tonight and red pants. X is dressed up in red/green tights and a blue t-shirt with the RMW logo on it. The mysterious third color of RMW is some weird dark blue. X is carrying the Commissioner Title over his right shoulder.
Kirk Sandler: X has fucked over Wifebeater over and over in RMW, but Wifebeater loves this place and these fans. I have faith in X and Wifebeater here. I have to.
Ring Announcer: Introuducing first, the defending Commissioner Champion from Arena Mexico...Mysterious X!
X raises the belt and smacks his chest. He looks way fired up.
Kirk Sandler: Here we really go! Elvin wanted it here the man is ready to fight! Oh wait...cut backstage we have a situation!!!
We quickly cut backstage to a bunch of commotion. The Truck is standing near Doc Martin ready to fight presumably on the RMW side. Mark Murder driving a forklift carrying boxes comes flying at him and he gets buried in bullshit. Doc Martin starts tipping the forklift, but gets wrapped up with a chain like Jason Voorhees by Mike Murder, Mr. Goodbar, and John the Baptist.
Kirk Sandler: What the fuck is this shit?!?!
Suddenly Black Tyger goes flying through a pile of light tubes by Mike Bowen. James Callander and Gilbert Webster are pummeled at once my Rob Slater with a baseball bat. David Jax and Mark Shaw are seen barricading the RMW dressing room. They smirk at the camera and beat the shit out of the camera man. It cuts back to the arena
Kirk Sandler: Fuck! Fuck!
X puts his fists up with Legend by his side. Wifebeater is up in the rafters wearing all black carrying a black stick. He chugs the bottle of Eagle Rare looking down at the ring.
Hate Me Now by Nas blasts over the PA as James Elvin walks from the back with his posse. Mark Shaw, Rob Slater, David Jax, Bad Blood, and Ace Lloyd.
Kirk Sandler: Oh fuck this right off. Fuck all this right here right now.
The entourage of IWF guys walk down the ramp an circle the ring. James Elvin gets onto the apron as the crew surrounds the ring. He laughs and steps inside. The rest of the guys climb up. X and Legend are back to back. Elvin lifts his hand up and holds it there. The bell rings as Elvin just stands there.
Kirk Sandler: Well do it already you bitch! Go ahead!
Elvin snaps his fingers and the IWF guys jump into the ring. X and Legend throw punches but are quickly outnumbered. They beat them down in seconds. Shaw climbs back out of the ring and grabs a sledgehammer. Slater and Jax hold X up as Elvin kicks him square in the nuts.
Kirk Sandler: Wifebeater get down there and fight for your fucking life!
Elvin grabs X and brings him to his knees.
Elvin: This is my house now, bitch.
He slaps him across the face. Mark motions to hold him there. Shaw lifts the sledgehammer up. Suddenly Wifebeater comes from the scaffolding like Sting, but the rope breaks about 10 feet from the ring and he falls on Legend. Wifebeater quickly stands up holding the stick.
Kirk Sandler: YES YES YES DO IT WB
Wifebeater raises the stick up and then lowers it. He starts smiling and holds out his arms to Elvin for a hug. All the IWF guys start laughing. Wifebeater takes off the black shirt to reveal IWF painted on his chest.
Kirk Sandler: WHAT?! NO NO NO WIFEBEATER NO FUCK NO
The audience starts to riot. As Elvin goes in for the hug Wifebeater draws back and cracks him with the stick!!!
Kirk Sandler: YES YES YES WIFEBEATER FIGHT FOR OUR FUCKING LIVES
The crowd chats RMW! RMW! As Wifebeater also cracks Mark Shaw. He turns around into a gut kick by Ace and an Ace-Factor! Wifebeater no sells it and gets to his knees as the swarm of IWF guys surround him kicking and punching. Wifebeater breaks out of the group and falls into the corner back first his nose bloodied and blood coming from his mouth. He connects with a few good shots but is pummeled into a heap.
Kirk Sandler: Here they come!
Money Man and Barracks come from the audience and slide into the ring. David Jax clobbers Money Man with a flying forearm smash and Barracks gets leveled by Rob Slater.
Gilbert Webster and James Callander climb the apron but get knocked right off. Scotty Payne runs from the back and slides right into the madness. He lands a huge big boot on David Jax.
Kirk Sandler: Come on everybody rush the fucking ring!
Tank runs from the back as Scotty gets taken out by Mark Shaw with huge sledgehammer shot to the shoulder. Tank slides into the ring as Wifebeater somehow stands up ready to fight. They go back to back in the middle of the IWF group.
Kirk Sandler: Heres the fucking champ and Wifebeater is still breathing! As long as he’s fucking breathing we’re all breathing.
Tank and Wifebeater bump into each other’s backs. They’re cornered from every angle. Tank drops his fists, turns around abc grabs Wifebeater for a Creeping Death!!!
The building goes deathly silent
Kirk Sandler: NO NO NO FUCK NO TANK NOT TANK JESUS CHRIST PLEASE LET THIS BE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE. MARK THREW THE MATCH TANK WAS PAID OFF I CANT...I fucking can’t...
Kirk throws off the headset and limps onto the stage. From behind Mike Bowen smashes him with a light tube and he collapses and rolls down the ramp.
In the ring Tank stands above Wifebeater. He pulls X up my his shirt onto his knees and motions to Mark Shaw. The cocksucker lifts the hammer up and comes down onto the lower back of X. X is down and not moving. The audience is stunned. Elvin walks over and puts a foot on his chest. Tank grabs Wifebeaters hand and lifts it for the count.
1.............
2..................
3.....…….…......
The end of RMW. Not with a bang, but a whimper. James Elvin hands Tank the belts. He puts them on his shoulders. The RMW audience is stunned silent. People are crying. It’s all over. Mike Bowen walks over to the time keeper and tells him to ring the bell. He won’t do it. Mike takes the bell and smashes it over his head and rings it himself.
Tank and Mark Shaw raise James Elvin’s hands up as Rob Slater, Jax, Bad Blood, and Ace Lloyd sit on the turnbuckles clapping. Wifebeater lays in a puddle of blood, X is crippled, and Legend is on the outside with half his mask torn off. Mike Bowen grabs the mic.
Mike Bowen: Your winner and the new owner of RM....IWF...James Elvin!
Hate Me Now by NAS plays again as the three stand there smiling.
Mike Bowen: FIN
The feed cuts out.
Fireworks go off and we go to Kirk Sandler at his desk on the side of the stage. He’s geared up and ready for a fight.
Kirk Sandler: It’s all on the line here tonight a true “chips are down” moment. To catch everybody up take a look at this.
We get a replay of the James Elvin interview basically saying if he wins tonight RMW will become IWF, and the company will close with those initials finally putting RMW away for good.
Kirk Sandler: You can say it all comes down to the main event, but the rest of this show is personal. It’s pride. Even if this son of a bitch kills RMW he ain’t gonna get the titles. The legacy will live on...but no way in hell will he win. X gonna give it to ya Elvin!
Money Made Me Do It by Post Malone hits and Money Man comes out on stage making his return after a shoulder injury. He’s got ridiculous cornrows and assless chaps as always. He dances like a fool down to the ring. The music isn’t even a dance track he’s just that fucking guy.
Kirk Sandler: Well..here comes the money!
The lights go out and I infared light filter comes over the screen accompanied by the theme from the movie “Predator”. In the arena they try to make this effect, but it looks weird and seizure including. A young child throws up white goop all over his momma.
Kirk Sandler: I didn’t know what this was going to be, but it looks like The freaking Predator is here?!? From the movie?!?
The curtain pulls aside and...it’s a chubby middle aged guy with a horseshoe haircut, big mustache, brown trench coat, brown pair of trunks underneath with PB in white in the corner like Ric Flair, and white boots. He’s hunched over walking down the ramp rubbing his hands together saying “How you doin there? How you doin?” Muttering to himself. The mother covered in vomit grabs her kid and runs as “The Predator” walks up to the guardrail.
Kirk Sandler: Oh no....no no no. Oh god no.
“Unwrap your diaper with my teeth how ya doin?”
From the ring Money Man sprints and dives over the top rope missing Predator by a mile. He crashes and burns right beside him. Predator grabs him into an airplane spin and spins for awhile.
Kirk Sandler: Money Man attempting to make a name for himself and screwing it up as usual. Predator sets him down on the apron and stumbles up the steps. Money Man is dazed in the sitting position and Predator connects with a huge soccer kick to the face! Money Man collapses and rolls under the bottom rope. Predator climbs into the ring and the bell rings. He starts screaming “Amber Alert! Amber Alert!” Kirk is handed a piece of paper.
Kirk Sandler: Ok. This next move is called the...I can’t even...”Code Adam”. If you know the story behind this I personally can’t condone this.
Predator lifts up on his shoulders and swings into a cutter. Code Adam (TKO)! Predator lays heavy for the pinfall. 1...2...3!
Kirk Sandler: Wow what a way to kick this off. Jesus Christ...Let’s go backstage please I’m told we have a potential altercation?
War Pig and RIOT are backstage in a dark room with a swinging light bulb. They have Cannonball Hall tied up in a steel chair. From out of view we hear what sounds like a voice box..like the old Kane gimmick.
: I need a partner. You’re a cop. It makes sense.War Pig (looking concerned): Now now...listen. I hate NIGGERS too, but I got a partner, and if I Tag with you to beat a black team I might get suspended with pay for a day.
Kirk Sandler: Woah hold up cut from this! CUT!
The Klansman walks into view.
Klansman: Look fellas I need a partner and you’re the only guy I know for the job.
War Pig: Three in the back don’t talk back. I don’t fight the blacks fair kid. Got a reputation to uphold.
Kirk Sandler: CUT THIS!
Klansman clenches his fist.
Klansman: I’m not asking again.
War Pig: Hey keep your fucking voicebox shut...come in here demanding shit...we don’t want any trouble with you. We are fighting for the same virtues my boy...hmm...how about this idiot in the chair?
Klansman: What makes you think he’ll tag? You kidnapped him. I just need a body out there.
War Pig: We drugged him with queludes. He was a dumb shit to begin with he’ll follow you out there.
Klansman: Can we take the mask off?
War Pig shrugs. RIOT reaches over and casually pulls the mask off. Don’t expect a big reveal here. He’s just like a soft headed guy with two tiny eyes and a thin mouth.
Klansman: What is this? Who is this?
War Pig: I don’t know. I can’t even remember why we kidnapped him. He looks like a potato doesn’t he? *chuckles*
Klansman: He’s just a common man. A lil tator.
RIOT, Richard Johnson, speaks for possibly the first time on RMW television.
RIOT: A Common tator!
The three of them look towards the camera in a fourth wall breaking manner as the feed finally cuts. Camera is back on the ring.
Kirk Sandler: Finally! We can’t air that. We just did, but we can’t.
Horns and Truck sounds blast over the PA and here comes The Truck.
Kirk Sandler: Here we go with the battle of the behemoths. Internet Champion vs Television Champion. The first IWF vs RMW Match, and maybe the biggest pound for pound match in RMW history. This Truck guy is big, but nobody can beat Doc.
The Truck holds the Internet title up to mock the RMW fans. Sum of Your Achievements by Nail Bomb thunders through the arena as Doc stomps down the ramp. The sound in the arena is deafening. Doc climbs on the apron and over the top rope. He gets right in the face of The Truck.
Ring Announcer: The following contest is scheduled for one fall and it is for the unification of Television Championship and the IWF Internet Championship. It has the stipulation that if Doc Martin uses a table he will be automatically disqualified and The Truck will win the titles.
Kirk Sandler: Still such bullshit.
Ring Announcer: To my right from Parts Unknown he is the master of the table and the current RMW Television Champion...Doc Martin.
Doc doesn’t move and neither does Truck. They’re standing nose to nose. Doc is a small bit taller.
Ring Announcer: And to my right, from the highway to Hell..he’s the IWF Internet Champion...this is The Truck.
TRUCK THE FUCK! TRUCK THE FUCK!
The audience boos. The ref holds both belts up, gives them to the Announcer and rings the bell. The two behemoths circle each other.
Kirk Sandler: Neither man quick to throw the first shot. This may be more of a game of chess than we thought.
Truck smirks at the masked Doc and runs the ropes to hit his patented shoulder tackle!
Kirk Sandler: He runs him down but Doc doesn’t budge!
Truck runs the ropes again and hits him! Doc stumbles a tiny bit. Truck runs and Doc grabs him with his hand around his throat, lifts him, and huge chokeslam!
Kirk Sandler: He drove him into the mat!
Truck takes the bump and immediately stands up.
Kirk Sandler: He’s up? My god!
Truck grabs Doc, slings him over his shoulder, and hits the Truck Stop! (Sheamus white noise). Doc hits the mat and immediately pops up too before Truck can even stand.
Kirk Sandler: Holy shit!
The arena is shaking. The two big man stand toe to toe and exchange overhand clubbing blows! They beat the hell out of each other slowly falling to their knees. Doc block a left and grabs Truck my the throat with his right hand. He drags him back to his feet and looks to the crowd. Truck punches him in the bend of his arm and breaks the choke. Truck then gets under him to lift him for a spinebuster. As they fall Doc grabs the head for a DDT at the last second.
Kirk Sandler: Doc grabbed him but he didn’t get all of it!
They shake the ring. Both guys took damage there. They lay in a heap.
Kirk Sandler: Get up Doc!
The two giants get to their feet and run opposite ropes and collide! Both men stumble back. Doc falls to a knee. Truck runs the ropes again and Doc grabs him with both hands around the throat. He lifts him up and sets him on the top rope, reaches back for a haymaker, and knocks Truck to the outside. Doc stands in the ring alone looking around the arena and the audience pops.
Kirk Sandler: Doc better just stay in there the allure of the tables on the outside are too much.
Suddenly from the top rope Mike Murder flys into the side of Docs head with a huge knee!
Kirk Sandler: What the fuck?!
Mark slides under the bottom rope and smashes Doc over the back with a steel chair. Doc falls to one knee. Mark holds the chair over his face and Mike smashes him with the knee sending Doc falling back into a sitting position in the turnbuckle. Mike turns around and Truck runs him down!
Kirk Sandler: These are men without a country. Truck fighting then off!
Mark Murder attempts to leave the ring, but Truck lifts him over his head. He holds him up there when two men hit the ring and clip his knees.
Kirk Sandler: That’s Mr. Goodbar and John the Baptist!
Truck falls to his knees. Mark pulls out a cross with the ended widdled into a point. He lifts it up as Goodbar and Baptist grab Truck by the arms and Murder stabs him in the forehead! Mike brings a table into the ring and sets it up.
Kirk Sandler: This is a bloodletting. A sacrifice. It’s Truck so I don’t know how to feel....
They lift him up to the top turnbuckle. Murder grabs him into a murder bomb (Sitout Razors Edge) position and barely carry’s him to dump him through the table!
Doc stands up and grabs Goodbar by the throat for a chokeslam! The three of them scatter and pull Goodbar under the bottom rope. Doc stands over Truck who’s laying the wreckage of the table. The bell starts ringing. Joe Elvin in a suit came from the audience and rung the bell. He grabs a mic.
Joe Elvin: Your winner by disqualification and new Undisputed Internet Champion....THE TRUCK!!
Kirk Sandler: Get the fuck out of here this is a rip-off.
Truck uses the ropes to get to his feet. Joe Elvin smugly gets into the ring and hands Truck the belts. He takes a look at them and tosses them to the mat. Joe’s expression goes from smug to frightened. Truck grabs him, lifts him up, and hits The Truck Stop!
Kirk Sandler: Even Truck knows this is bullshit!
Truck picks Elvin up by the back of his neck with his left hand. With his right hand he extends it to Doc for a handshake. Doc looks around to the audience and accepts. He hands Joe Elvin over to him and leaves the ring.
Kirk Sandler: Oh yeah Doc kill him!
Doc lifts him up high in a chokeslam position. He moves to each side of the ring to hear the audience pop the runs across to toss him over the ropes and head first through a table on the outside!
Kirk Sandler: Look at how he landed! Sideways on the point of his head!
The audience explodes. Sum of Your Achievements plays to Doc playing it up to the fans
The camera zooms up to Wifebeater sitting on a stool on the scaffolding in the rafters. He’s drinking his bottle of Eagle Rare. Wearing all black still.
Kirk Sandler: Tonight Wifebeater will ref the main event with everything hanging in the balance. I have faith that this man will never betray RMW or these fans. He looks like he’s in the middle of a crossroads, but you know and I know despite everything Wifebeater bleeds green and red.
James Elvin is backstage dressing down The Truck.
James Elvin: What the fuck was that?! You just let him kill my brother out there!!
Truck gets visibly pissed and punches a hole through the wall.
The Truck: Watch your fucking tone with me boy. I said no tables and Doc to face me like a man. He did. Earned my respect. You’re killing this place anyways and you got your belts. You can retire them as IWF belts. Now leave me out of it.
James Elvin: But Truck I need you out there tonight!
Truck: I came back to pay tribute to my IWF career not to strone your ego. Face him like a man. Earn some respect.
The Truck leaves the dressing room.
The lights go out in the arena and a white strobe light flashes everywhere. Dr. Feelgood the sing accompanies Dr. Feelgood himself with Blue Bomber and Orange Crush following along seizureing down the ramp. They get into the ring and Bomber and Crush go to opposite corners and out their heads down like Blair Witch Project shit.
Dr. Feelgood: Here tonight Scotty Payne will be officially admitted into the Feelgood House of Medcine. After he receives his treatment also known as a vicious beating, from my new “find” then he can go recover in the ICU like his brother. Hopefully he makes it out.
Kirk Sandler: Tasteless not even clever.
Dr. Feelgood: Now I introduce to you....my new monster...Seme...White Demon!
The lights go dark and white flashes. A slimy looking average sized man in a white full body suit with a goofy mask and long hair crawls onto the stage. He’s covered in white goop. He slithers his way down the ramp and crawls up into the ring.
Kirk Sandler: Oh shit look at that!
Scotty Payne slides into the ring and smashes the demon over the head with a fucking tombstone! It says Thomas Payne on it. He smacks Dr. Feelgood in the gut with it and the doctor bag goes flying. Scotty stands over him as Bomber and Crush don’t move. Feelgood reaches for the bag but Scotty steps on his foot and breaks his hand.
Dr. Feelgood: They need their medicine!
Scotty cracks Orange Crush in the back with the tombstone and he goes down hard. White Demon slides a needle toward Feelgood. He pulls out a dart gun and shoots it into Blue Bombers ass. As Scotty lifts up the tombstone Bomber turns around seziuring in place white foam coming from his mouth, nose, ears, and eyeballs. Scotty lurches back and with all his might smashes the tombstone over Bomber’s head and it breaks into a bunch of pieces. There’s a visible dent in his head but he’s seziuring towards Scotty like nothing happened. Payne jumps out of the ring and runs.
Kirk Sandler: He better get out of there this is a dangerous situation in the ring.
Feelgood picks up the mic with his non-broken hand
Dr. Feelgood: Scotty you fucked up! You have fucked up now! I’m a doctor so I not only do U know how to heal I know how to hurt....badly. These men here are my monsters! They won’t stop until you’ve been put into the ground...you know why? Because that’s what I tell them to do! You started this when you could’ve just left well enough alone. Your brother basically committed suicide by fucking with us, and now you are going to be buried right next to him! Blue Bomber, Orange Crush..and White Demon. These are the Colors of Unbridled Madness!!!!! The only color left for you is red
Kirk Sandler: Well this is far from over.
Cut to a video package of the Mike Bowen/Kurt Sandler feud. We recap Mike putting Kurt through the table, Kurt smashing Maurice with a glass bottle, the challenge and the promos/jabs.
From Out of Nowhere hits and Mike walks out with Maurice who’s wearing a football helmet and hockey pads.
Kirk Sandler: Get the fuck out of here.
They stare at Kirk as they walk down the ramp smirking. As they slide into the ring Kirk stands up with a mic.
Kirk Sandler: Before you can even get your little catch phrases in and run your mouth Im going put a halt on that
Kirk walks down the ramp and stops just shy of Ringside area. He’s wearing track pants, and RMW T-shirt, and taped fists.
Kirk Sandler: Mike, and to an even bigger extent Maurice...you can’t hold my jock as an announcer. Maurice is a cliche hack and Mike you’re just a loudmouth. You wanted a fight? Well here it is...
OUT OF MY WAY hits it’s Black Tiger! He sprints down the ramp and Kirk slides in with him. Tyger immediately hits a spin kick on Mike Bowen as Kirk tackles Maurice and rips the helmet off. He’s throwing right hand immediately breaking his nose.
Black Tyger picks Bowen back up and whips him to the ropes and catches him with another spinning kick leg lariat. Mike hits the mat and rolls out the side. Black Tyger gets on the top rope for a huge pop! He spends a bit of time taunting. As Mike turns around Tyger flys and gets hit right in the mask with a fucking light tube! He collapses into a heap near the guardrail. Mike shakes off the damage and stomps him, reaches under the ring, and grabs another tube.
In the ring Maurice scrambles into the corner and covers up. Kirk is throwing sloppy strikes and kicks that Maurice is turtling. Kirk backs off to catch his breath; right behind him is Mike Bowen holding a light tube. He turns around to get hit right in the hip with the tube! It looked awkward and exploded all over the mat. Kirk falls down on his side holding his hands up. Mike kicks through them and busts him in the mouth like a dick.
Mike Bowen: You little bitch! Now I’m gonna fuck you up!
Maurice stands up and motions no to Mike. He points to the top rope. Mike motions him to go up. Maurice is on the top rope giving the middle finger to the RMW fans it’s a near riot.
Black Tyger springboard to the top rope and dropkicks Mike in the back! Mike falls forward into the opposite ropes which cause Maurice to lose balance and take a front flip bump to the concrete! Mike bounces back off the rope, Kirk leans up and rolls him up with two hands full of tights!
1....2.....3!!!!
Bell rings as Kirk rolls out of the ring holding his ribs. Black Tyger follows him with blood running down his chest. Out of My Way hits and they hug. Mike is going insane in the ring slapping the mats. Maurice is unconscious on the floor.
Backstage we have Macen Clark standing by with Bailey Midway.
Bailey Midway: Macen your fight with Barracks has been cancelled due to time constraints. How do you feel about this?
Macen Clark: Most of these matches are 5 minutes or a bunch of bullshit! This is just politics! Face the facts that when you put me out there somebody gets hurt. I snapped Arsenal’s leg like a fucking breadstick...you know fuck Barracks anyway. I proved my point already with big army retards. Right now we don’t even know what will be left of this company tomorrow so I’m gonna pack my shit and leave. Fuck RMW, fuck IWF, and fuck you.
Macen leaves the interview area.
Kirk Sandler sits back down at the commentary desk. War Pig and RIOT escort him out.
Kirk Sandler: As much as I don’t like these guys, and given how they abandoned me last show...probably not a good idea to have them back me up...but WHATEVER WE WON OUR MATCH!!
The audience is still popping for Kirk. A video package for Tanks rise to the top plays over the tron. It transitions into Mark Shaw winning the IWF title back in the day and a slideshow of guys tapping to the Shawshooter. The two are put side by side with lightning coming out of their eyes like WCW/nWo Revenge
Kirk Sandler: Here we go! Whoever wins here will be the champ and let me say, when Tank wins, these assholes can never take it away from us.
Blurry by Puddle of Mudd hits and we see Mark Shaw on the tron talking to Elvin.
Mark Shaw: I gotta do this alone, man. I gotta prove it to myself.
Mark walks away and the camera cuts to him coming out of his curtain with the belt. He raises his arms high like he’s the king.
Ring Announcer: Introducing first The IWF Champion, The King of Wrestling, “The Icon” Mark Shaawwww!
Shaw gets on the turnbuckle and taunts the RMW fans with his IWF belt. His music cuts and he turns around still standing on the middle rope. Sinner by Drowning Pool hits
Kirk Sandler: Here is THE baddest motherfucker in wrestling!
Tank storms from behind the curtain throwing warm up punches and kicks.
Ring Announcer: This is the RMW Champion; a man who has never been beaten clean. Now entering the ring, fighting for RMW...TANK!!!
Kirk Sandler: Both titles on the line here let’s see how this one starts. I’m hoping Tank comes out swinging and takes the win for us early.
The bell rings and the two wrestlers meet in the middle with a lock up. Shaw takes Tank to a knee, Tank bucks up to his feet and uses leverage to take Shaw to a knee. Shaw bucks up and they are at a stalemate. Shaw turns it into a side headlock, Tank pushes him to the ropes and knocks him to the mat with a shoulder block. Tank runs the ropes, jumps over Shaw, Shaw stands up for a leapfrog, Tank hits the ropes. Shaw attempts a hip toss but Tank blocks it. Tank throws Shaw for a hip toss of his own, but Shaw lands on his feet and does a go behind in Tank. Tank reverses it with a go behind of his own and wrenches on it. Shaw falls to the mat with Tank still hanging on.
Kirk Sandler: This is the first “wrestling match” in RMW history. Did not expect this.
Tank spins around from the go behind into a front headlock. Shaw uses his strength to stand up and lift Tank into the air and toss him back to where Tank lands on his feet. Shaw goes for a front takedown and Tank stuffs it. He spins Shaw around and pushes him into the corner.
Kirk Sandler: Pummel this asshole!
Tank breaks in the corner and falls back to the middle. He wipes some sweat from his brow and points to Shaw. Shaw looks to the audience who boos him heavily. He meets Tank back in the middle and the lock up again. Shaw back him into the ropes and lifts a fist, but he also breaks. He whips middle fingers to the audience.
Kirk Sandler: Tank feeling him out early. Shaw telling the audience what he thinks of them.
Tank comes to the middle of the ring, go behind, and school boy in the center. The ref drops down.
1....2....3!!!!
Kirk Sandler: TANK WINS??? TANK WINS!!!!!!
The audience explodes into cheers as Sinner by Drowning Pool hits. Shaw slaps the mat and sits there stunned.
Kirk Sandler: He caught him with a fucking schoolboy! YES WE DID IT!
Ring Announcer: Here is your winner and still the RMW Champion, but also the NEW IWF CHAMPIONNNN....TANK!!
Tank takes both belts and leaves the ring. Shaw stays sitting in the ring embarrassed just looking down at his finger tape.
An ad for “The Beat of IWF Monday Night Madness” coming to RMW Xstream
The arena goes dark and a clopping sounds is heard. The WCW four horsemen theme is playing as The Klansman rides out with a torch to light the way. He’s got Cannonball on the back of the horse. He’s wearing coveralls with a flannel shirt underneath.
Kirk Sandler: Well..I’ve just been handed a paper here. I’ll read it in a second.
Ring Announcer: Now making his way to the ring. From the Deep South...The Klansman and...The Common Tator!
Kirk Sandler: That’s what I needed to get to here. Apparently he’s no longer Cannonball, but going by Common Tator...I’m the goddamn commentator!
Klansman jumps off the horse onto the apron. Tator falls off onto the floor. The horse gets scared as the lights come on and a team of staff guys wrangle it down with shock sticks and drag it to the back.
Kirk Sandler: This seems like animal cruelty. Add it the list.
Guerillas in the Mist by Da Lench Mob hits and we got a new side of Sweet Johnson.
Kirk Sandler: In the all black camo is , as my note says here, Sweet J not Sweet Johnson. He dropped the Johnson everybody, and he’s all by himself though.
Sweet looks behind him and Jammall is nowhere to be found. Sweet mouths some shit talk and climbs into the ring.
Ring Announcer: Now entering the ring from...umm I don’t know...Sweet J and his partner from Compton, LA...Jammall Jones!
Kirk Sandler: Jammall is absent here. I can’t tell you I’ve got no information.
Sweet J: Just ring the fuck bell!
The bell sounds and the match starts with Sweet staring down The Klansman. Klansman backs into the corner and tags Common Tator. Tator trips getting into the ring and Sweet stomps his back, neck, neck of the head. Sweet brings him to his feet and hip tosses him across the ring. As he turns around Klansman jumps off the apron to the floor shaking his head no.
Kirk Sandler: This racist douchebag came out here dressed like an asshole and started this shit. Tator is basically just a moron.
Sweet flips him off and goes after a prone Tator who’s laying in the corner. He mudhole stomps his ass from a minute straight then turns around beating his chest at The Klansman. Then he picks up Tator and hip tosses him across the ring basically into the other corner. Tator reaches for a tag.
Kirk Sandler: Come in here Klansman better take his beating and get out of RMW. This shit wasn’t right from the start.
Sweet stands in the center with his hands on his hips. The ref yells at Klansman to take the tag we don’t have all night. He reluctantly takes the tag and slides under the bottom rope. He never gets up from his knees just puts his hands up and begs Sweet off. Then he lays down and audibly yells pin me!
Kirk Sandler: Get up what is this.
Sweet spits on him and stomps him in the stomach. Klansman gets to one knee and Sweet violently kicks him in the shoulder and becomes a tornado of punches just knocking the shit out of this guy. Klansman gets up the corner trying to protect himself. Sweet won’t let up. He grabs him and hiptosses him up the middle of the ring.
Kirk Sandler: Looks like we’re about to see something real bad here folks.
Klansman scurries up and starts running. Sweet grabs him by the back of his rope and pulls him into a headlock.
Sweet J: Let’s see this motherfucker!
He takes his other hand and rips the mask off.
Kirk Sandler: ITS JAMMALL JONES WHAT THE FUCK!!! JAMMALL FUCKING JONES
Sweet’s eyes are bugging out of his head. Jammall backs up pleading.
Jammall Jones: I needed to convince you man! These racist motherfuckers are out to get you! Just wait a second...
Sweet jumps on him and continues the beating. Jammall pokes him in the eyes and scrambles away out of the ring.
Jammall: SWEET! STOP NIGGA ITS ME!
Sweet slides under the ropes and chases Jammall up the ramp. The camera follows them into the back Jammall is throwing shit behind him trying to get away. They do a Benny Hill bit running around Jammall caddilac. He jumps through the open window and Sweet kicks the back window out. Jammall peels out and Sweet almost gets his foot trapped. Jammall smashes through the gate to leave the arena as Sweet sits on the ground pissed and still stunned.
Kirk Sandler: WOW just wow. Wait what the hell is this in the ring?
A seven foot tall cartoonish Hillbilly jumps over the railing and hugs Common Tator. He’s crying.
Hillbilly: We fond u daddey after all dees years!
Common Tator: *garbled speech*
Hillbilly: It’s me daddey! Ur boy! Thrillbilly!!!!
Common Tator: duhhhhh uhhh duhh
The giant Thrillbilly picks his daddy up and carries him away through the crowd all the while doing a Jim Dugan thumbs up.
Kirk Sandler: I don’t know about any of this anymore ladies and gentleman.
The video package for the main event plays. The IWF attack, the press conference with all the ridiculous exposition and reveals, and the James Elvin promo where he threatens to kill RMW when he wins and retire the belts and promotion as IWF for revenge. Wifebeater as special referee is at the end of the package.
La Bamba by Richie Valens hits and Mysterious X walks out on to the stage with Legend who is wearing a green sweatshirt tonight and red pants. X is dressed up in red/green tights and a blue t-shirt with the RMW logo on it. The mysterious third color of RMW is some weird dark blue. X is carrying the Commissioner Title over his right shoulder.
Kirk Sandler: X has fucked over Wifebeater over and over in RMW, but Wifebeater loves this place and these fans. I have faith in X and Wifebeater here. I have to.
Ring Announcer: Introuducing first, the defending Commissioner Champion from Arena Mexico...Mysterious X!
X raises the belt and smacks his chest. He looks way fired up.
Kirk Sandler: Here we really go! Elvin wanted it here the man is ready to fight! Oh wait...cut backstage we have a situation!!!
We quickly cut backstage to a bunch of commotion. The Truck is standing near Doc Martin ready to fight presumably on the RMW side. Mark Murder driving a forklift carrying boxes comes flying at him and he gets buried in bullshit. Doc Martin starts tipping the forklift, but gets wrapped up with a chain like Jason Voorhees by Mike Murder, Mr. Goodbar, and John the Baptist.
Kirk Sandler: What the fuck is this shit?!?!
Suddenly Black Tyger goes flying through a pile of light tubes by Mike Bowen. James Callander and Gilbert Webster are pummeled at once my Rob Slater with a baseball bat. David Jax and Mark Shaw are seen barricading the RMW dressing room. They smirk at the camera and beat the shit out of the camera man. It cuts back to the arena
Kirk Sandler: Fuck! Fuck!
X puts his fists up with Legend by his side. Wifebeater is up in the rafters wearing all black carrying a black stick. He chugs the bottle of Eagle Rare looking down at the ring.
Hate Me Now by Nas blasts over the PA as James Elvin walks from the back with his posse. Mark Shaw, Rob Slater, David Jax, Bad Blood, and Ace Lloyd.
Kirk Sandler: Oh fuck this right off. Fuck all this right here right now.
The entourage of IWF guys walk down the ramp an circle the ring. James Elvin gets onto the apron as the crew surrounds the ring. He laughs and steps inside. The rest of the guys climb up. X and Legend are back to back. Elvin lifts his hand up and holds it there. The bell rings as Elvin just stands there.
Kirk Sandler: Well do it already you bitch! Go ahead!
Elvin snaps his fingers and the IWF guys jump into the ring. X and Legend throw punches but are quickly outnumbered. They beat them down in seconds. Shaw climbs back out of the ring and grabs a sledgehammer. Slater and Jax hold X up as Elvin kicks him square in the nuts.
Kirk Sandler: Wifebeater get down there and fight for your fucking life!
Elvin grabs X and brings him to his knees.
Elvin: This is my house now, bitch.
He slaps him across the face. Mark motions to hold him there. Shaw lifts the sledgehammer up. Suddenly Wifebeater comes from the scaffolding like Sting, but the rope breaks about 10 feet from the ring and he falls on Legend. Wifebeater quickly stands up holding the stick.
Kirk Sandler: YES YES YES DO IT WB
Wifebeater raises the stick up and then lowers it. He starts smiling and holds out his arms to Elvin for a hug. All the IWF guys start laughing. Wifebeater takes off the black shirt to reveal IWF painted on his chest.
Kirk Sandler: WHAT?! NO NO NO WIFEBEATER NO FUCK NO
The audience starts to riot. As Elvin goes in for the hug Wifebeater draws back and cracks him with the stick!!!
Kirk Sandler: YES YES YES WIFEBEATER FIGHT FOR OUR FUCKING LIVES
The crowd chats RMW! RMW! As Wifebeater also cracks Mark Shaw. He turns around into a gut kick by Ace and an Ace-Factor! Wifebeater no sells it and gets to his knees as the swarm of IWF guys surround him kicking and punching. Wifebeater breaks out of the group and falls into the corner back first his nose bloodied and blood coming from his mouth. He connects with a few good shots but is pummeled into a heap.
Kirk Sandler: Here they come!
Money Man and Barracks come from the audience and slide into the ring. David Jax clobbers Money Man with a flying forearm smash and Barracks gets leveled by Rob Slater.
Gilbert Webster and James Callander climb the apron but get knocked right off. Scotty Payne runs from the back and slides right into the madness. He lands a huge big boot on David Jax.
Kirk Sandler: Come on everybody rush the fucking ring!
Tank runs from the back as Scotty gets taken out by Mark Shaw with huge sledgehammer shot to the shoulder. Tank slides into the ring as Wifebeater somehow stands up ready to fight. They go back to back in the middle of the IWF group.
Kirk Sandler: Heres the fucking champ and Wifebeater is still breathing! As long as he’s fucking breathing we’re all breathing.
Tank and Wifebeater bump into each other’s backs. They’re cornered from every angle. Tank drops his fists, turns around abc grabs Wifebeater for a Creeping Death!!!
The building goes deathly silent
Kirk Sandler: NO NO NO FUCK NO TANK NOT TANK JESUS CHRIST PLEASE LET THIS BE A FUCKING NIGHTMARE. MARK THREW THE MATCH TANK WAS PAID OFF I CANT...I fucking can’t...
Kirk throws off the headset and limps onto the stage. From behind Mike Bowen smashes him with a light tube and he collapses and rolls down the ramp.
In the ring Tank stands above Wifebeater. He pulls X up my his shirt onto his knees and motions to Mark Shaw. The cocksucker lifts the hammer up and comes down onto the lower back of X. X is down and not moving. The audience is stunned. Elvin walks over and puts a foot on his chest. Tank grabs Wifebeaters hand and lifts it for the count.
1.............
2..................
3.....…….…......
The end of RMW. Not with a bang, but a whimper. James Elvin hands Tank the belts. He puts them on his shoulders. The RMW audience is stunned silent. People are crying. It’s all over. Mike Bowen walks over to the time keeper and tells him to ring the bell. He won’t do it. Mike takes the bell and smashes it over his head and rings it himself.
Tank and Mark Shaw raise James Elvin’s hands up as Rob Slater, Jax, Bad Blood, and Ace Lloyd sit on the turnbuckles clapping. Wifebeater lays in a puddle of blood, X is crippled, and Legend is on the outside with half his mask torn off. Mike Bowen grabs the mic.
Mike Bowen: Your winner and the new owner of RM....IWF...James Elvin!
Hate Me Now by NAS plays again as the three stand there smiling.
Mike Bowen: FIN
The feed cuts out.
