Post by wifebeater on Jul 10, 2018 21:25:38 GMT -5
11:00 am
It’s the Friday after Without Warning. The RMW wrestling ring is still in the RMW arena where all the shows are taped. This particular morning a free to the public event is being held “Presented by James Elvin’s IWF”. Snacks and such where offered in the concession area. The locals flooded the arena, but all the regulars made sure to show up including personal favorite “fat cow lady”. Representatives of Philadelphia and New Jersey Senate and athletic commission are there which basically the two states RMW runs shows in are. The home base has been in New Jersey for quite some time. Senator Chip Simmons is also in attendance.
Hate Me Now by NAS hits over the PA system and the fans boo. There is a heavy security presence tonight. The ride may be over here, and nobody wants to deal with the riot to come. The free popcorn and dollar store sodas will not be enough to curb this audience. As Elvin comes from the back a can of “Drinkers Choice Grape Soda” sails through the arena, past James Elvin, and cracks a member of the Hassidic Jews of New Jersey in the yarmulke. The IWF entourage must have taken their payoff and skipped town. James Elvin walks confidently to the ring with Mark Shaw by his side. The commissioner title drapes over his shoulder like some kind of dog tag or trophy of a big kill. He’s wearing sunglasses and checking his watch. As they get into the ring and grab a mic the security guards on the outside begin tazing some guy who looks like The Anarchist from years ago.
James Elvin: Ahem! Excuse me mates I brought you all here to make an important announcement: I did it!
Mark Shaw and James Elvin high five
James Elvin: I beat Mysterious X, took this stupid concept of a title and the rest of the titles too, and now I own it all. The entire history of RMW and the future lay in the palm of my hands. I flew back here to New Jersey almost a week later, made this a free event, just to have this moment. I want to look into the eye of the RMW fans and see their hearts break as I lay down the plans for the future…..there are none!
Mark Shaw laughs and leans against the turnbuckle.
James Elvin: Everything I said was exactly what has come to pass! The tape libraries, the wrestler contracts, RMW Xstream, the title belts…all of it is going in the fucking trash just like the kind of trash you people live in! It’s over, it’s done, this presser is the final nail in the coffin. Let me just pull this out here…
Elvin pulls out a crinkled up contract.
James Elvin: Once I sign this dotted line here…Mark can you help me?
Mark Shaw: Gladly.
Shaw leans over as Elvin puts the contract on his back.
He raises the pen up in the air. Popcorn flys from all over the arena into the ring.
James Elvin: Go ahead it won’t do you any..
Para bailar la bamba
Para bailar la bamba
Se necesita una poca de gracia
James Elvin looks up at the entrance ramp puzzled. Mysterious X rolls out onto the stage in a wheelchair. Legend comes out beside him and immediately gets cracked in the head with a “Drinker’s Choice Root Beer”. He goes down.
Mysterious X: Woah woah woah essa…I don’t want this to get too complicated for you. So I’m going to make this easy. After you fucked me on Sunday and killed this company I had little choice but to wake up Monday morning in a hospital bed…paralyzed from the waist down thanks to Mark Shaw’s sledgehammer. Great shot you pussy.
James Elvin: Hey alright what’s your fucking point? I don’t have all day I have a flight to catch.
Mysterious X: Well if you’d shut your cunt mouth and let me talk…so I wake up in the hospital with Legend by my side, and he shakes me awake to speak to a visitor. Now, as you know when RMW was formed there were three pillars. Three authority offices in the building. Somehow after all these years paperwork got lost…let’s say shit got unorganized. Tom Bergman, Matt Bourne, the group of investors, Wifebeater…the ownership status had gotten messy. Little did I remember that in 2010, for a brief moment during the brief brand split, there was going to be a third brand, and we had brought back that third pillar. During that time some paperwork was signed….
James Elvin: No no no. Shut your mouth burrito bitch. I’m just gonna sign this here..
Mysterious X: Makes no difference what the fuck you sign to me. So on Monday morning this man walks in with an interesting clause in his contract that contains his percentage of holdings in the company. I read this; I quote:
X puts on reading glasses over his mask and holds a paper close to his face.
Mysterious: June 17th, 2010. Rights and privileges to 1/3rd of RMW Holdings Inc go to *name redacted*. This, a private sale of the rights, will be a safe stock kept out of public discourse. Ownership Clause: In the event of a third party complete company buyout or rights exchange, Mr. *name redacted* has the right to challenge the ownership if he sees fit. In the event of this happening he will have first rights to buy the company outright 100% and do as he see fits with the rights.
James Elvin: Who the fuck is it? What the fuck is this?
Mysterious X: What this means is our third man here, the mystery man, had the rights to buy the company in event of a sale. 100%. Wholesale. He brought this to my attention, drafted up some paperwork, and arriba arriba! He purchased RMW and IWF outright then sold them to me. So now, as you stand there looking like a fucking gringo moron, I sit in this wheelchair with the 100% ownership rights to RMW.
James Elvin looks dumbfounded. Mark Shaw is shocked. The fans chant RMW! RMW! RMW!
Mysterious X: See you fucked around years ago with the wrong people. Think back to who you screwed out of the IWF title time and time again, politicked out of the company, and tried to bury for good. You made a big mistake coming here kid. Big fucking mistake gilipollas!
Beneath by Nothingface hits over the PA and from the audience Mac Daddy fucking Squid hops the guardrail and slides into the ring. James Elvin turns around and gets hit with an F-5! Mark Shaw takes off his jacket and throws it. Squid stares him down as the arena erupts! Shaw tries to hit a clothesine, Squid ducks, kicks him, and plants him with the G-SPOT!!!!!! He grabs a mic as Shaw scrambles out of the ring holding his neck.
Mac Daddy Squid: This ain’t over Mark Shaw! But it will be! I’ll see you at RMW Deathquest!
Squid throws thre mic and leaves up the ramp. The fans are marking out.
Mysterious X: That’s not all folks! Please I need two men to come out to the ring right now. Wifebeater and Kirk Sandler!
The two walk out to Smack My Bitch Up. Both are bandaged up and all fucked up they come out from a side entrance in the audience and ge tinto the ring.
Mysterious X: Okay let’s get down to business. Deathquest will mark a new beginning for Red Money Wrestling. I have two HUGE announcements. First things first: Mr. Kirk Sandler.
He gets a true standing ovation from the audience; everybody is one their feet.
Mysterious X: You fought valiantly for RMW on Sunday night. You took light tubes to the ribs, face, and when the chips are down you even attempted to come to the ring to save RMW. In my current state I need to be behind the scenes in my office. So, as of now, please pick up that title belt.
Kirk points at himself saying “me”.
Mysterious X: Yes Kirk. I’m proud to announce you are the NEW COMMISIONER OF RMW!
The fans explode in cheers.
Mysterious X: Which brings me to the bad news. After everything we have put New Jersey through I had a bunch of fines levied against RMW. The FCC, the athletic comission, the states of Pennslyvania and New Jersey themselves. That’s why they are all here tonight. I have cut a deal to get out of this. Starting with the next show, RMW Deathquest, Red Money Wrestling is moving to….Battle Creek, Michigan!
The fans immediately turn sour. They boo like crazy the fat cow lady is shaking the guardrail and smashing a shit.
Mysterious X: Yes! Fuck all of you motherfuckers! We are moving to an abandoned arena football arena called the BattleZone! Now the RMW BattleZone!
Wifebeater looks on suspiciously. X begins to wheel away but puts a finger up in the air.
Mysterious X: One more thing. After all the fines, lawsuits, controversy, TV deals destroyed…I can’t put up with this shit anymore. You fought hard on Sunday, Wifebeater, but you didn’t win. You are a worthless drunk and an abusive piece of shit. This is the end of line for you in wrestling, and your career dies in this piece of shit building in New Jersey. You’re fired! Fuck You!
La Bamba hits as X wheels away. Wifebeater is looking around as security comes into the ring. Chip Simmons is laughing, the commission is clapping, Mickey Mackenelli’s kids are crying applauding, MADD are taking shots in celebration. War Pig and RIOT jump into the ring and taser Wifebeater and he collapses quickly. Kirk looks on pissed holding the title. The secuirty guards carry him out of the ring like Jesus up as the audience riots tearing the RMW building down brick by brick and fighting with the police. The Fat Cow Lady is swinging a chair at Mickey's kids as the presser ends.
It’s the Friday after Without Warning. The RMW wrestling ring is still in the RMW arena where all the shows are taped. This particular morning a free to the public event is being held “Presented by James Elvin’s IWF”. Snacks and such where offered in the concession area. The locals flooded the arena, but all the regulars made sure to show up including personal favorite “fat cow lady”. Representatives of Philadelphia and New Jersey Senate and athletic commission are there which basically the two states RMW runs shows in are. The home base has been in New Jersey for quite some time. Senator Chip Simmons is also in attendance.
Hate Me Now by NAS hits over the PA system and the fans boo. There is a heavy security presence tonight. The ride may be over here, and nobody wants to deal with the riot to come. The free popcorn and dollar store sodas will not be enough to curb this audience. As Elvin comes from the back a can of “Drinkers Choice Grape Soda” sails through the arena, past James Elvin, and cracks a member of the Hassidic Jews of New Jersey in the yarmulke. The IWF entourage must have taken their payoff and skipped town. James Elvin walks confidently to the ring with Mark Shaw by his side. The commissioner title drapes over his shoulder like some kind of dog tag or trophy of a big kill. He’s wearing sunglasses and checking his watch. As they get into the ring and grab a mic the security guards on the outside begin tazing some guy who looks like The Anarchist from years ago.
James Elvin: Ahem! Excuse me mates I brought you all here to make an important announcement: I did it!
Mark Shaw and James Elvin high five
James Elvin: I beat Mysterious X, took this stupid concept of a title and the rest of the titles too, and now I own it all. The entire history of RMW and the future lay in the palm of my hands. I flew back here to New Jersey almost a week later, made this a free event, just to have this moment. I want to look into the eye of the RMW fans and see their hearts break as I lay down the plans for the future…..there are none!
Mark Shaw laughs and leans against the turnbuckle.
James Elvin: Everything I said was exactly what has come to pass! The tape libraries, the wrestler contracts, RMW Xstream, the title belts…all of it is going in the fucking trash just like the kind of trash you people live in! It’s over, it’s done, this presser is the final nail in the coffin. Let me just pull this out here…
Elvin pulls out a crinkled up contract.
James Elvin: Once I sign this dotted line here…Mark can you help me?
Mark Shaw: Gladly.
Shaw leans over as Elvin puts the contract on his back.
He raises the pen up in the air. Popcorn flys from all over the arena into the ring.
James Elvin: Go ahead it won’t do you any..
Para bailar la bamba
Para bailar la bamba
Se necesita una poca de gracia
James Elvin looks up at the entrance ramp puzzled. Mysterious X rolls out onto the stage in a wheelchair. Legend comes out beside him and immediately gets cracked in the head with a “Drinker’s Choice Root Beer”. He goes down.
Mysterious X: Woah woah woah essa…I don’t want this to get too complicated for you. So I’m going to make this easy. After you fucked me on Sunday and killed this company I had little choice but to wake up Monday morning in a hospital bed…paralyzed from the waist down thanks to Mark Shaw’s sledgehammer. Great shot you pussy.
James Elvin: Hey alright what’s your fucking point? I don’t have all day I have a flight to catch.
Mysterious X: Well if you’d shut your cunt mouth and let me talk…so I wake up in the hospital with Legend by my side, and he shakes me awake to speak to a visitor. Now, as you know when RMW was formed there were three pillars. Three authority offices in the building. Somehow after all these years paperwork got lost…let’s say shit got unorganized. Tom Bergman, Matt Bourne, the group of investors, Wifebeater…the ownership status had gotten messy. Little did I remember that in 2010, for a brief moment during the brief brand split, there was going to be a third brand, and we had brought back that third pillar. During that time some paperwork was signed….
James Elvin: No no no. Shut your mouth burrito bitch. I’m just gonna sign this here..
Mysterious X: Makes no difference what the fuck you sign to me. So on Monday morning this man walks in with an interesting clause in his contract that contains his percentage of holdings in the company. I read this; I quote:
X puts on reading glasses over his mask and holds a paper close to his face.
Mysterious: June 17th, 2010. Rights and privileges to 1/3rd of RMW Holdings Inc go to *name redacted*. This, a private sale of the rights, will be a safe stock kept out of public discourse. Ownership Clause: In the event of a third party complete company buyout or rights exchange, Mr. *name redacted* has the right to challenge the ownership if he sees fit. In the event of this happening he will have first rights to buy the company outright 100% and do as he see fits with the rights.
James Elvin: Who the fuck is it? What the fuck is this?
Mysterious X: What this means is our third man here, the mystery man, had the rights to buy the company in event of a sale. 100%. Wholesale. He brought this to my attention, drafted up some paperwork, and arriba arriba! He purchased RMW and IWF outright then sold them to me. So now, as you stand there looking like a fucking gringo moron, I sit in this wheelchair with the 100% ownership rights to RMW.
James Elvin looks dumbfounded. Mark Shaw is shocked. The fans chant RMW! RMW! RMW!
Mysterious X: See you fucked around years ago with the wrong people. Think back to who you screwed out of the IWF title time and time again, politicked out of the company, and tried to bury for good. You made a big mistake coming here kid. Big fucking mistake gilipollas!
Beneath by Nothingface hits over the PA and from the audience Mac Daddy fucking Squid hops the guardrail and slides into the ring. James Elvin turns around and gets hit with an F-5! Mark Shaw takes off his jacket and throws it. Squid stares him down as the arena erupts! Shaw tries to hit a clothesine, Squid ducks, kicks him, and plants him with the G-SPOT!!!!!! He grabs a mic as Shaw scrambles out of the ring holding his neck.
Mac Daddy Squid: This ain’t over Mark Shaw! But it will be! I’ll see you at RMW Deathquest!
Squid throws thre mic and leaves up the ramp. The fans are marking out.
Mysterious X: That’s not all folks! Please I need two men to come out to the ring right now. Wifebeater and Kirk Sandler!
The two walk out to Smack My Bitch Up. Both are bandaged up and all fucked up they come out from a side entrance in the audience and ge tinto the ring.
Mysterious X: Okay let’s get down to business. Deathquest will mark a new beginning for Red Money Wrestling. I have two HUGE announcements. First things first: Mr. Kirk Sandler.
He gets a true standing ovation from the audience; everybody is one their feet.
Mysterious X: You fought valiantly for RMW on Sunday night. You took light tubes to the ribs, face, and when the chips are down you even attempted to come to the ring to save RMW. In my current state I need to be behind the scenes in my office. So, as of now, please pick up that title belt.
Kirk points at himself saying “me”.
Mysterious X: Yes Kirk. I’m proud to announce you are the NEW COMMISIONER OF RMW!
The fans explode in cheers.
Mysterious X: Which brings me to the bad news. After everything we have put New Jersey through I had a bunch of fines levied against RMW. The FCC, the athletic comission, the states of Pennslyvania and New Jersey themselves. That’s why they are all here tonight. I have cut a deal to get out of this. Starting with the next show, RMW Deathquest, Red Money Wrestling is moving to….Battle Creek, Michigan!
The fans immediately turn sour. They boo like crazy the fat cow lady is shaking the guardrail and smashing a shit.
Mysterious X: Yes! Fuck all of you motherfuckers! We are moving to an abandoned arena football arena called the BattleZone! Now the RMW BattleZone!
Wifebeater looks on suspiciously. X begins to wheel away but puts a finger up in the air.
Mysterious X: One more thing. After all the fines, lawsuits, controversy, TV deals destroyed…I can’t put up with this shit anymore. You fought hard on Sunday, Wifebeater, but you didn’t win. You are a worthless drunk and an abusive piece of shit. This is the end of line for you in wrestling, and your career dies in this piece of shit building in New Jersey. You’re fired! Fuck You!
La Bamba hits as X wheels away. Wifebeater is looking around as security comes into the ring. Chip Simmons is laughing, the commission is clapping, Mickey Mackenelli’s kids are crying applauding, MADD are taking shots in celebration. War Pig and RIOT jump into the ring and taser Wifebeater and he collapses quickly. Kirk looks on pissed holding the title. The secuirty guards carry him out of the ring like Jesus up as the audience riots tearing the RMW building down brick by brick and fighting with the police. The Fat Cow Lady is swinging a chair at Mickey's kids as the presser ends.
